Adam makes fast work of its rivals

It’s been three weeks now since I embarked upon my 50th year on the planet here along with you lot. Which means that as of today, I am 347 days away from potentially hosting one of those How Great Am I Because I’ve Reached A Significant Birthday With A Zero In It parties that a lot of blokes seem to be obsessed with throwing nowadays. What on earth are these about? Sure, if someone loves you enough to stage a surprise bash for you then there’s little you can do about it (other than die of embarrassment and try to sneak out early), but what possesses a person to honour themselves I really have no idea. I was invited to one such night of nonsense recently where the guy in question had actually directed his own tribute videos and even booked a famous band to play.

What I’m focusing on instead are my 50th-year resolutions, some of which are already in place and under way. These include: no more drinking at lunchtime whatsoever, unless there is sufficient opportunity, freedom, reason and intention to crack on all the way through to the nighttime. (The hangovers that now seem to last days as opposed to hours simply aren’t worth it. Memory loss and self-loathing have long since supplanted merry-making and mayhem.)

Then there’s my vow to drink loads more water, which is much more difficult than I ever imagined, the process best aided by having small bottles of the stuff all over the shop. Also, nothing naughty generally whatsoever past my lips unless it’s after 7pm.

Mentally, I have made changes too, for the most part revolving around the general mantra of never getting stressed about anything in the world ever again. I also aim to be even more positive than ever before. There’s just no downside whatsoever to being one of the glass-half-full gang. Why would you choose to be any other way? It always helps, it can’t not, a fantastic habit to get into.

Cue one of my least favourite cars ever, the Opel Adam.

He’s back. Adam The Sequel. I thought I’d already had it with this car. The last time we spent a few days together, back in 2013, Adam had only just been born, and our time together didn’t go well at all. I remember his big selling point was that there were a billion permutations of how an Adam owner could customise their new purchase. But one question remains: why would anybody want Opel’s DIY-design-mobile over the mighty mini marvel that is the Fiat 500, or the mighty (not so) Mini itself? The Fiat 500 in particular really does seem to have taken over the world. Just last week, my son Noah scored ten points in a ‘spot the car’ game thanks to the TEN Cinquecentos in one residential road less than half a mile long. A phenomenal statistic.

With comparisons such as this around, I thought to myself, ‘It’s my first morning in the new Adam. I’m going to play “spot the Adam” all day on my own and see how many I can find.’ Three hours later and I hadn’t seen a single one of my eagerly awaited brethren. ‘Oh dear,’ I was about to lament when suddenly there he was, directly in front of me, Brother Adam, black over plum, not unattractive and quite surprisingly so. My next challenge was to find out what kind of person drives an Adam by choice. The cynical me was whispering, ‘It has to be a woman, probably early 30s, maybe early 40s, clean cut with a sense of fun yet still lacking the confidence to grab life by the throat, kick off her shoes and have some fun.’ After mirroring, signalling and manoeuvring out to the right-hand-lane of a notorious dual carriageway, I was about to discover how wrong I was. Taxi for Evans! For at the wheel was the coolest, hippest young dude imaginable. He couldn’t have been more than 22, his whole life before him, and here he was fairly flying along in an Opel Adam. Well whaddaya know? Who would have guessed? Not me, obviously. But that’s because, after a stuttering start, the Adam has changed – in fact, there are lots of Adams now, like the Adam Rocks, the Adam Jam, the Adam Glam and this allnew racy model, the Adam Grand Slam. He looks more handsome, warmer, friendlier and better than the original Adam. He has the air of a winner about him. Inside, the styling is more confident, more refined. On the outside he’s quietly moved on from ‘wannabe’ to ‘gonnabe’ with his two-tone paint job, a

He had a whimpering start but Opel’s perky little terrier has now got a feisty growl... and a bit of bite about town

sporty exhaust and even a spoiler on the roof.

And the extra oomph under the bonnet has worked miracles. Thanks to the all new 1.4-litre turbo engine, boy is he feisty.

And there was more. Out the gate and up the road he went, zipping along like a kite surfer in a force ten gale. Sure, there was the usual clumsily sprung transmission, plus, the over-loud rumbling road noise. But other than those clangers, this is most definitely a car the maker can be hugely proud of.

In fact, the biggest gripe my wife and I could come up with was that when we opened the glove compartment we were met with total darkness. Come on you griffins, how much does a bulb, a socket and a microswitch cost out of an on-theroad price of around €20,000? That said, the almost panoramic size electric wing mirrors are super-good, as are the comfy seats, hugely improved handling, groovy styling and all the other nips, tucks and tweaks. Better late than never. In conclusion? Summer’s on the way and it’s time for Adam to come in from the cold, all is forgiven young man. Well, almost all.