As an Asian woman, I know misogyny all too well
WHEN the news broke about these assaults, I was shocked and dismayed that the liberal response of officials in Germany and of broadcasters was not to address the ‘elephant in the room’: that the assaults were all carried out by African and Arab men who were either migrants or asylum seekers.
Not addressing this profound clash of cultures only promises to make things worse.
Having grown up in an Asian Muslim household and community, I can recognise the symptoms all too clearly. Along with my female Asian friends, I saw Asian men ‘get away with murder’, while as girls, we were strictly controlled – what we said, who we said it to, where we went, what we wore, who we married. As women, our behaviour and reputation had a bearing on the family’s ‘honour’, and to dishonour the family could mean death.
The Asian culture I grew up in was misogynistic – and it still is.
My husband and I have travelled and worked in North Africa, Pakistan and the Middle East and the common experience is that as a woman, I am not allowed to walk alone and have to follow a strict code of dress in public.
In 2007, I was asked by the BBC to travel to Pakistan and make a documentary. One shoot was to take place on the day when the Prophet Mohammed’s birthday was celebrated. My all-male team were nervous because thousands of Pakistani men were to gather in a square and I was to report from the crowd.
I was determined to do the piece and naively I thought: ‘Nothing will happen to me, it’s a spiritual day.’ I was dressed in the native shalwaar kameez – baggy trousers and a tunic to cover my body. I wore a scarf around my head to show respect. All that was visible were my hands and face. With much persuasion, my director David allowed me to walk by myself near a crowd of men.
I realised within five minutes what an idiot I had been – I was the only woman in this crowd. I was spotted and within minutes a group of men had circled me and hands were all over me while bodies pressed up against me. I was rescued by our burly ‘fixer’, who carried me out. I was shaking and shocked – and I was angry at myself for being naive after everything I grew up with.
Understanding how African and Asian men view and treat women in their own countries is crucial when dealing with the migrant crisis – because only when we understand their cultural practices can we help them to integrate. They need to understand that women are deemed as equal to men in Western societies.
Here in the West, we need to stop burying our heads in the sand and accept that Asian, Arab and African men grow up in societies where misogyny is the cultural norm. We need to talk about it so we can change it.
Ignoring it is just condoning it. If we are allowing people to come in, we must also make sure that we are not blinded by some truths which are hard to swallow. It is a betrayal of the truth, of the majority of decent migrants and – most of all – of women, who must not see progress turned back for the sake of accommodating a medieval worldview.