STORIES YOU WON’T SEE ON THE SIX ONE NEWS
Flushed with failure? IT was a case of ‘Oh dear what can the matter be, this poor maid is locked in the lavatory’ for Renua’s Sarah Tyrrell this week.
The 25-year-old candidate found herself in need of a bathroom while canvassing in Ashbourne.
Luckily, a friendly elderly couple agreed to let her use their bathroom.
‘As I was locking the door behind me, I heard her shout, “Don’t lock the door!”– but it was too late. When I finished up and went to get out, the door wouldn’t open, apparently the lock regularly jams.’
After a number of failed attempts to get the door open, an heroic neighbour came to the rescue with a toolbox and removed the lock.
Ms Tyrell, pictured, kept her spirits up during the 20-minute ordeal by reading a newspaper and texting her campaign team. ‘It’s just lucky I’m not claustrophobic,’ she said.
‘When I caught up with my team, I asked them why none of them had responded to my SOS text and they all said they had their phones off, so I asked them did they not wonder where I was and they all said they hadn’t even noticed I was gone.
‘I just hope I make a bigger impact on the voters!’
Pre-emptive strike
ONE man has come up with a novel and extremely effective way of warding off pushy candidates from calling to his home by placing a handwritten note in the window.
‘A very talkative wee Derry man lives here. He doesn’t have a vote in this constituency but he’ll keep you at the doorstep and tell you his life story if you ring the doorbell... Your move,’ it reads. We’re willing to bet he gets far fewer callers than his neighbours over the remainder of the campaign.
Varad-ical chic
LEO Varadkar is the thinking politico’s crumpet, it appears.
Friday, a digital-marketing agency based in Dublin, has created a parody of dating app Tinder, featuring all your favourite election candidates.
The game, titled TDer, displays photos of politicians along with comical biographical notes, allowing you to choose whether to swipe right (like) or left (don’t like) on each one.
Gerry Adams’s bio describes him as a ‘republican on the streets, terrorist between the sheets’.
Joan Burton’s states: ‘No scrubs – swipe left if you’re on the dole.’
Lucinda Creighton’s profile says she is ‘Looking for Mr Right (wing)’.
And it appears that it is the Health Minister who is proving most popular in this highly unscientific poll (ahead of Gerry Adams and FF’s Willie O’Dea).
But then, Leo’s always been more comfortable on the right.
Up in a puff of smoke
ELECTIONS are a time for vested interests to demand policy changes in return for support.
But we had to smile when we came across Forest Éireann’s leaflet this week.
The group is not made up of citizens concerned with the state of Ireland’s woodlands, as one might be led to believe by the name.
Instead, it represents smokers, who it says have been treated unfairly by the Government due to ‘overregulation’ and relentless tax hikes, according to its literature.
The manifesto insists: ‘The war on tobacco is a smokescreen for the Government’s failures in other areas.’ Surely this is a case of somebody not seeing the forest for the trees?
#thickeejitpoliticos
THE internet is a wonderfullyweird place. This week we noticed that a certain Twitter user @PrayForPatrick has dedicated himself to capturing images from videos of politicians speaking on RTÉ.
He freezes the video at opportune moments when the candidates look most foolish, often with their eyes closed or tongues hanging out, and then posts them online.
Anyone, no matter how handsome or intelligent, can be made to look stupid using this method, so it may seem a little unfair. But when you see the results, it is very, very funny. Here’s an unfortunate Mary Hanafin, caught in mid-blink.
Priceless preening
SPARE a thought for poor minister Dara Murphy, running for re-election in Cork North Central. Some blaggard has defaced his posters, below, changing him from Dara to Darling and Fine Gael to Fine Girl. They have also referenced the controversy over him receiving a lift all the way to Dublin Airport when his ministerial car broke down. Those damn voters! Will they never leave him alone?