Seat’s super duper new Cupra
Just when I thought my week couldn’t get more exciting (Paul McCartney, playing at my pub) I fired up this bland-looking hatch and... KAPOW!
So when was the last time Paul McCartney played a gig in a pub? Last night, hopefully, as that’s when he was due to play my place, The Mulberry in Haslemere, Surrey. What a way to mark our 10th and last ever Dine and Disco for Children In Need. And what a guy for agreeing to do it. A couple of years ago I went along to a recording of Jools Holland’s brilliant Later programme to interview Paul for a Christmas special. Courteous, friendly and giving – as always, he could not have been any nicer and more accommodating.
‘What the heck,’ I thought. ‘Why don’t I just ask him straight out if he might consider helping us out at our annual fundraiser for the kids?’
Without hesitation he came straight back: ‘Write to me and give me a few more details,’ he said. ‘If I can help, I will.’
And so that’s what I did. I sat down and pinged him off a halfpage email with all the facts, throwing in as much colour as was reasonable without overgilding the lily. After which I heard precisely nothing – for a year-and-a-half. Until: Message from Paul’s office. ‘Paul has now checked his diary and can play your pub for Children In Need on June 25 next year, ie 2016. Would this be of any use to you and the cause?’
An hour of euphoric expletives later and the deal had been done. Paul would play for free, all we had to do was sell the tickets. We couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve been a Beatles fan all my life – to have Macca now come and play at my own pub... to be honest, out of all the things I’ve ever been fortunate enough to experience, this one takes the biscuit. Beyond the dream. But, seriously – what a dude! ‘To keep us in mind for so long, not forget us and then eventually make time, say yes and step up to the plate. It doesn’t get any better. He so didn’t need to do this. But he has and he’s here right now. Please welcome – Paul McCartney!’
Oops sorry, got a bit carried away then and slipped into my intro for last night.
Actually, it’s been a bit of a giddy week all round. First there was the football. Then on Wednesday and Thursday we filmed the last Top Gear of the series before hotfooting it off down the motorway to present Friday’s BBC Radio 2 Breakfast Show live from the mud in Glastonbury.
Somewhere in the middle of which, the cheeky little tyke that is the SEAT Leon Cupra 290 2.0 TSI PS (which doesn’t exactly trip off the tongue) popped its head above the parapet, hoping to get reviewed.
When the Cupra first turned up I think I may have actually yawned, it appeared so undynamic. Cheap even, or like a shy Audi A3 that had been hiding in a Corby trouser press for too long. ‘Oh God,’ I thought, ‘how long do I have to drive around in this thing for?’
A notion that became even more acute the moment I reluctantly plonked my derrière into whatever it is the two-tone alleged sports seats are trimmed in.
‘How can this even begin to cost €36k?’ I said out loud. (Since reaching the big 5-0 I am talking to myself a lot more when confused and confounded. Is that what happens?)
‘What is this dashboard all about?’ I carried on. ‘It’s so 1990bland.’ By which time I’d begun to itch all over, a growing wave of indifference threatening to hijack my consciousness.
‘Quick, turn the key, start the damn thing, anything to break this funk of beige-sky-thinking.’
And that’s when it happened. Pow! ‘Oh. This is where you’re at, is it?’ With not a flappy paddle in sight, this car is not so much a hot hatch as a sizzling throwback to the wonder years of manual transmission, which suits it completely. It’s all very VW Golf R but without the front/rear active-drive technology that keeps the Golf planted to the road and in a straight line. With the Cupra it’s front-wheel drive all the way and you’re in charge. Which makes for a much more exhilarating driving experience. The higher you push those revs, the more squeaky-bum flying hours you’ll clock up.
The combination of silky-smooth gearbox and delightfully sensitive throttle is bizarrely reminiscent of a twin-clutch auto. Astonishing. As usual when it comes to multiple driver modes, at least one of them seems to be superfluous. In this case the villain is Sport mode. Stick to either Comfort or go straight to Cupra for stiffer everything and more crowd-pleasing pops and bangs from an engine set free to thrill. And as you do, get set to soak up every ounce of that continental 290 PS (or 286hp). It feels so quick,
‘WHEN IT TURNED UP I THINK I MAY HAVE ACTUALLY YAWNED’
with a soundtrack to match. The most unexpected injection of performance I’ve experienced in this column.
Apparently, there is a boot that fits several decent-size bags in and five doors and back seats and lots of other things that a car is supposed to have. But none of that is what makes this car worthy of your consideration.
Here’s what to do if you book a test drive. Ask a good friend to blindfold you and guide you to the driver’s seat, then fire up the ignition, select first, dump the clutch and uncover your eyes with the wheels still spinning. After which you too will be smitten.
On our last outing I parked up between an Audi A2, a Ford Focus Zetec S, a Vauxhall Corsa and a Toyota Yaris, whereupon suddenly the Cupra looked like a Lamborghini by comparison. It even made a Nissan 350Z seem dated.
Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, or in this case the bewitched, beguiled and ever so slightly brainwashed.