Renault hatches a great idea
Before sloping off to the mountains, our man finds much to enjoy in Renault’s zippy new ‘warm hatch’ – but is the best yet to come?
Good morning. Today, I will be mostly skiing with my family in Europe – Austria, to be precise. Not that I like skiing. I never have. In fact I think I might even hate it. I just don’t see the point. Of course one could argue, what is the point of anything? I get that. One of my guilty pleasures is watching YouTube videos of giant remote-control aircraft (usually piloted by big hairy pot-bellied Germans, for some reason) last thing at night before I drop off. Search ‘giant remote control Emirates Airbus 380’ and tell me it’s not cool.
This, I find infinitely more excusable/justifiable than skiing.
So why have I gone? Because I wanted to gift my wife something special for her birthday. She loves skiing and thought we would never get to go as a family. She actually burst into tears when she opened the box with the tickets in. And as any husband will testify, if your missus cries when she opens her present – for the right reasons, of course – you’ve absolutely nailed it. That said, I have told her in no uncertain terms this is a one-off, never-to-be-repeated event. I will never go skiing again. This is it. I love her unconditionally but if she demands I accompany her and the ankle-biters on a second trip to the snowy slopes of St Pointlessville, it’s a deal-breaker. Finally she will be free to go and marry Lenny Kravitz, her virtual bit on the side. (Uncanny really: we’re so similar, we could be twins...)
So how does all this get us to the Renault Mégane GT Nav? It’s about that pointlessness thing again, the ‘why would you?’ aspect of a situation.
Why might you buy this all-new Mégane, a 21st birthday present to itself? Yep, the Mégane really has been around for 21 years. Scary.
For starters, it is exceptionally easy on the eye, even with its new massive nose job just about erring on the right side of a Nimrod spy plane. The one thing that is aesthetically naff is the right-hand exhaust surround, which is not actually surrounding anything. There is only one exhaust – and it’s on the left.
Inside, the cockpit is très cool. Very sporty, very smart, with lovely two-tone Alcantara bucket seats and matching rear bench complementing the rest of the designer trim perfectly.
The touch-sensitive infotainment screen is also very 21st Century – smart, sharp and colourful, albeit not quite touch-sensitive enough for my delicate little pinkies half the time. But it is relatively big for a car this size and extremely easy to navigate around such wonders as park assist, mood lighting, dual-zone climate control and much more.
You get an awful lot for your money with this car. First, there’s just about enough leg room in the back, if you manage to avoid concussion getting in, that is. Ease of access has again been sacrificed at the altar of style. The boot is a decent size, although the loading lip is a tad high, which means the rear of the car will gradually get beaten to death over the years by various suitcases and shopping bags.
Right, to driving. On start-up the little four-cylinder engine explodes with Neutral as the immediate default driving mode. Four alternative modes are available, each with their own signature mood light- ing and selected via a button on the centre console or in the function screen menu. RS mode enjoys its own unique button, located in the middle of the dash in case you suddenly feel the urge to unleash your inner Colin McRae.
This is when the car feels most alive, with steering inputs reduced by 40% and alterations to the throttle, engine and transmission mapping. In this mode, on full chat, the car feels much meatier than the relatively modest 205hp available. In all modes, the fully automatic gear shift is mightily impressive, easily on a par with much more expensive cars.
The only real faux pas to the whole driving experience, however, is also to do with the gears. It’s like the paddles have been fitted upside down. The shape of the steering wheel naturally makes you want to rest your thumbs on the cross member as opposed to the more traditional ten-to-two position, for which the paddles would be perfect. This in turn means your fingers then fall below the centre line and run out of paddle to play with. It’s annoying, and on my growing list of classic clangers from major motoring manufacturers.
What is unarguable, though, is how effective and beautifully sticky
‘NOSE JOB ERRS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF A NIMROD SPY PLANE’
the all-wheel-drive system makes the car feel. This only works under 50mph but it’s amazing what difference a wee bit of rear-wheel steering can have. It virtually shortens the cars footprint underneath you, making tight windy roads heaps more fun. All in all, therefore, what we have here is yet another promising chapter in what has become a modern French classic.
But here’s what I don’t get: this ‘warm hatch’ model is edging into Golf GTi/R territory price-wise, while already costing way more than several genuine ‘hot’ hatch tearaways (the Fiesta ST and Suzuki Swift Sport to name just two).
To compound my confusion further, the word on the street is there is already a sizzling Renault Sport version in the wings ready to go. In which case, I am truly at a loss.
Like the sliding down the snowy mountain thing that is allegedly for fun, pouring with sweat one moment and freezing cold the next – it makes my brain melt.