SMOKES & DAGGERS

A mischievous mix of (mostly) news

NEW Fianna Fáil TD James Browne asked Transport Minister Shane Ross last week ‘if owners of motorised buggies on golf courses come within the Road Traffic Act’. Mr Ross, right, replied that so long as our golfers stay off the motorways they should be all right. Now that would be a wayward drive. IN a message sent out by email, the Taoiseach wrote: ‘I am presently in Canada on a three-day trade and investment mission.’ Of course, ‘presently’ is not the same as ‘at present’ and means something that will happen in the near future. We wish he would tell us what he’s going to doing in the near future. LABOUR got tied up in knots over the sale of Harold’s Cross greyhound stadium. Kevin Humphreys was first out of the traps, claiming it was the finest thing ever to happen in the capital. Minutes later, Alan ‘AK47’ Kelly raced out of the kennels and took Humphreys on the inside by saying the sale decision was ‘incredible’ and the board should ‘consider its position and go’. Can Labour’s tiny parliamentary party really afford a split? SINN Féin’s Eoin Ó Broin was complaining on Twitter that Simon Coveney was unable to answer questions from Joan Collins TD. ‘@simoncoveney cant answer any questions posed at Housing Comm because 6 months on from passing of @JoanCollinsTD Bill he has no legal advice,’ he wrote. It was pointed out that his wording made it sound like Deputy Collins had died, prompting Deputy Collins to pipe up, also on Twitter: ‘*Checks pulse* Still ticking, plus no noticable rigamortis. Phew.’ All this hilarity went on while they were both in the committee. THE prize for the most egregious political tweeting in Leinster House must go to John Crown, though. While he was at an Oireachtas abortion hearing in 2013, during a Catholic presentation to the committee, the thensenator and general know-it-all needed the world to know how much he disapproved of churchy nonsense. ‘Every time they speak I lapse a little more,’ he wrote.