DVD
‘I’m sick of working with cartoon characters,’ says Phil Daniels in The Hatton Garden Job Fair enough, but did you ever wonder whether we might be sick of watching them, Phil?
For, make no mistake, while Ronnie Thompson’s movie is based on the true story of the biggest heist in British history, it’s a cartoon from start to finish.
Dropping his Downton vowels in favour of saw froat Mockney, Matthew Goode assembles a gang of crumbly crims – Daniels, Larry Lamb, Clive Russell and David Calder – to tell them that he has ‘a chob loined up’, a £25m jewellery heist.
Thompson tries to liven things up with tired old whip-pans and freeze-frames and crunch zooms but what most spoils the picture is that it never explains how the gang disabled the whizz-bang alarm system. Nor does it ever ask whether the heist was an inside job with these ‘lovable’ rogues as fall guys? For your actual lowlife dross you need to check out Trespass Against Us Adam Smith’s movie stars Brendan Gleeson as Colby, the patriarchal bruiser of an extended family of caravan dwelling yobbos.
But can that family hold together when Colby’s eldest son Chad (Michael Fassbender) wants a better life for his own children?
It’s not a bad premise but drama is sadly lacking because Chad and his wife (Lyndsey Marshal) are so glam you don’t believe for a second that they belong with this gormless lot.
Can’t get enough of Twin Peaks? I bring good news: David Lynch has overseen a bells-and-whistles Blu-ray restoration of his greatest movie, Mulholland
Drive Naomi Watts plays a wannabe actress, while Laura Harring is a woman who’s lost her memory in a car crash and hasn’t a clue who she is.
So off they go in search of, well, I’m not sure. But I’ll never stop watching in the hope of finding out.