There was no clue my Dad would take his own life. He’d booked a meal for Mum’s birthday next day...
Cricketer Jonny Bairstow was eight when he came home to find his father had killed himself. His mum has battled cancer. This is their incredible story...
JONNY BAIRSTOW is brimming with his customary enthusiasm as he makes suggestions on the best locations at Headingley for our photoshoot before, politely but firmly, rejecting one possible picture of his mother Janet.
‘No,’ says the man who has become one of England’s best and most important cricketers.
‘Mum looks sad in that one. This is not about sadness. It is far more than that. We want to look happy today.’
On a bright, crisp autumnal morning, we are at the historic home of the Yorkshire club that both Jonny and his dad David before him have graced to talk about Bairstow junior’s extraordinary new memoir.
It is Jonny who takes the lead role in the picture process, helping photographer Andy Hooper lug his equipment all round Headingley, and it is Jonny who quickly recognises the significance of the Leeds sunshine.
‘The book is called A Clear Blue Sky and that’s what’s above Headingley at the moment,’ says Jonny. ‘Let’s take some pictures outside.’ Mum, meanwhile, is a little concerned about walking on an outfield soaked with early morning dew but once the Headingley groundsman gives his all-clear, she is content to follow.
What unfolds is a compelling, often emotional, but always uplifting morning in the company of a mother and son who, along with sister Becky, have overcome the harshest of adversities to enjoy success and, most importantly, happiness.
A Clear Blue Sky, however, is more than just a cricket book.
It is essentially the story of how the Bairstows have coped with the very worst that life could throw at them, from David’s suicide almost 20 years ago to Janet’s two battles with cancer. But, much more, it is the inspirational tale of a small family with a close bond who have come through the darkness and want to tell the world that, however bad things are, up above the clouds there is always a clear blue sky. As Jonny says: ‘Most people believe their family is special. ‘I know mine is.’ At the centre of this incredible story is Janet, a well-known and popular figure at Headingley through her work as a cricket administrator for Yorkshire but now, a little reluctantly, thrust into the spotlight.
‘I usually prefer to stay in the background,’ she says before joining the son she always calls Jonathan to discuss their story and the sensitive way it has been told with the help of outstanding cowriter Duncan Hamilton.
So why, after 20 years, have the Bairstows decided to reveal details of how David, at 46, took his own life the day before Janet’s 42nd birthday — at a time when she was suffering from the first of the two bouts of cancer which she has fought so courageously, and beaten?
‘There was no real reason to do it now to be honest,’ says the man who will be a key figure in England’s attempt to retain the Ashes this winter.
‘We thought about it for a while, didn’t we, and stewed over whether it was right or wrong.’
Janet, not for the first time, virtually completes the sentence of the son she idolises, the pair almost as one when they speak.
‘And whether we wanted to do it,’ she says. ‘Whether we wanted to put things out there. There were a few details people didn’t know about. It has only ever been between us.’
‘But,’ continues Jonny, ‘when dad passed away there were things in the press that weren’t correct.’
Janet again: ‘There was a presumption among some that they knew what had happened and knew better than us.
‘There were a lot of things I wasn’t too sure about sharing in the book but it’s 20 years in January since David died, so maybe it is time. He was an important cricketer was David, and for him to die at the age he did...’
Not for the first time, the words are left in the air and it is clear that the emotion, even now, is never far from the surface.
So, as Jonny does right at the start of his book, let’s get the stark, brutal facts out of the way. Jonny was just eight when, along with Janet and younger sister Becky, he returned to their home in Yorkshire after football training with Leeds United juniors to find David, a Headingley legend, had hanged himself.
There had been plenty of ups and downs since David, who brought so much energy and vitality to his cricket, had reluctantly retired, but no real clue that it was as bad as this.
He had even booked a restaurant to celebrate Janet’s birthday the next day and had organised a babysitter for Jonny and Becky.
‘I don’t think I will ever find out why it happened and I think it’s the same with anybody who does something like that,’ says Janet.
‘You can punish yourself for all time but I don’t think you ever truly know. You can’t look back.
‘You have to look forward. That’s what we’ve always done and that’s what we’re still doing.
‘He had set up a business that didn’t go too well after he retired as a player but then we set up another one that was doing all right. He wasn’t too bad within himself and he did have money.
‘He wasn’t broke as a lot of people have always assumed. He didn’t have a lot but he did have some. So I can’t explain…’
Jonny takes up the story: ‘No one knows why he did it and no one ever will. ‘Whether it be mum, me, Becky, Andrew (David’s son from his first marriage) or anyone else. No one will ever know why. There’s no point questioning it every single day because if you do that it will bring you down.
‘After he went, there were urgent things on our agenda and if we’d have been questioning why while mum was going through her illness, we would have lost focus.
‘We had that to contend with and lots of other things. Yes, of course we’ve asked questions throughout our journey but if we’d allowed that to get us down at the time then that could have had an effect on mum’s health.
‘So in order to get through something, you think about other things and set yourself little targets. It might just be a small step but it’s better than thinking about a big minus that could drag you down. You don’t want to get on a downward spiral and, before you know it, you could be in a place of no return.’
The big question is: How on earth did Janet cope? How on earth did a woman with two small children battling the most cruel of illnesses cope on her own with losing her husband in the most shocking of circumstances and carry on?
‘I don’t know. I really don’t know,’ concedes Janet. ‘It’s a difficult one for me to answer. When I had my first lot of cancer, I knew I had to get through it because I had two children to look after and that made me stronger. It was the same when David died. I think you have to aim for something.
‘If you do that it can give you inspiration. We never looked too far ahead. That was our policy. We just looked at clearing the next hurdle. We don’t want any more trouble by the way! I’ve had my lifetime of it, thank you very much. Am I a strong person? I just had to be, I guess.’
One of the most striking aspects of A Clear Blue Sky, a title which also gives a nod to David’s nickname of Bluey and how Jonny initially reluc-
You can punish yourself for all time but you’ll never truly know
tantly but then proudly adopted the same moniker, is the lack of anger in the Bairstows.
This is a tribute to David, an ebullient, larger-than-life character in a Yorkshire team full of them, as much as a chronicle of how his family have coped without him. ‘I think there was anger,’ interjects Janet.
‘Certainly from me. I was ill and I needed David and he wasn’t there. But then I thought: “What is the point of getting angry?”
‘It didn’t do me any good when I was angry. You’ve got to go on. Everything’s a progression, that’s what I learned.’
Jonny jumps in: ‘We were only young. There have been times, don’t get me wrong, when you’re at your lowest...’ Janet continues: ‘I saw other fathers on the sidelines when Jonathan was young playing rugby or football and it would have been nice for him to have that support…’
She goes on: ‘I don’t think there is any pain any more. The pain is a long time gone. You have to move on. We’ve had pain within ourselves at different stages anyway, so…’
Jonny adds: ‘There have been different pains more recently than that anyway. We’ve been through it. We still look back on it, but at the same time we don’t dwell on it.’
Jonny’s support, a huge amount of it, has instead come from Janet. And she has received plenty back. Jonny is very protective and proud of his mum, which is illustrated by what I found to be the most moving passage in the book.
At the height of the storm, when all seemed lost to the Bairstows, the eight-year-old Jonny, assuming the role of man about the house, turned to his mum and said: ‘We’re going to be all right, you know.’ And they were. For the only time during our time together Jonny looks close to tears when reminded of that.
‘She’s brought us up. She’s taught me everything and that’s all you need to know about that.’
Janet, equally proud and emotional, gives her son a supportive tap on the leg and they continue. So what sort of man was David Bairstow, warmly remembered by so many at Yorkshire for his starring role during times when turmoil was a constant companion of England’s most famous cricketing county.
‘He was very characterful,’ smiles Janet. ‘He lit a room up when he came into it because he was bouncy. He was very loud at times but underneath he was very kind.
‘He had his opinion. Sometimes he was hard to live with, like in any relationship, but that’s part of it. I sometimes see some parts of him in the children but not having him around for a long time when they were growing up has probably stopped them being too much like him. If he’d been around it might have been different.
‘You can never judge that because you put something of yourself into your children.’
Both Jonny and Becky have inherited David’s distinctive red hair and, with both batsman-keepers, comparisons between father and son have always been inevitable. ‘I don’t think I’m as wide as him!’ smiles Jonny.
‘I’m a bit taller, too, because I’ve got mum’s legs and dad was a bit more squat and well built than me. My brother Andrew is a bit more like dad.
‘I’ve learnt a lot about dad from going around the world and listening to other people.
‘Whether I’ve been in Australia, the Caribbean, Leeds, Scarborough or London, there’s always someone who’s got a story about him. We’ve never been a family to sit down and talk about him in depth. We haven’t done it that way.’
Janet continues: ‘I’ve been pleased that people remember stories of David and told Jonathan about them because they’re the good stories, the nice ones, and I’ve always felt that’s how he should remember his dad.’
Back to Jonny: ‘You always get those comparisons. I even got them when I was playing football for Leeds because dad used to play for Bradford.
‘Then there were comparisons in cricket from age 11 because I batted a certain way. It comes with the territory.’
Janet again: ‘The thing is, you have to play the game for yourself.
‘Unfortunately David wasn’t here to see him or guide him through so he didn’t have that father figure teaching him. He’s had to find everything out for himself. It was his choice and you have to make use of the talents you’ve got.
‘Jonathan didn’t come into cricket because of his father. It was probably the opposite. It was a case of “what do you want to do?” and, at the end of the day, that turned out to be cricket. It wasn’t me going out to play, it was him.’
So complete has been the Bairstows’ triumph over adversity that Jonny has surpassed David’s achievements, with England if not Yorkshire, and Becky is a success working in global activations with Adidas and, says Jonny proudly, organising events for model Hailey Baldwin and singer Stormzy.
But life was to throw one more curve ball at this close-knit trio five years ago when Jonny was on tour with England in India. Janet’s cancer was back.
‘I didn’t know anything about it,’ says Jonny.
‘Mum kept it from me while Becky looked after her because I was over there and she didn’t want it to affect my cricket. To find out after I had just warmed up for a game was hellishly tough and the journey back was horrendous.
‘You hear the word cancer and you don’t know how bad it is.
‘Unless you find out there and then how intense it’s going to be you don’t know how hard it will be. We were fortunate that mum had found it early and it was completely different to the first time.
‘Knowing she had been through it the first time and how bad it was then, finding out it wasn’t as bad this time was reassuring even though the after-stuff was worse.’
‘It’s five years this Christmas, so that’s excellent,’ says Janet. ‘I’m down the road again. Everybody is different and everybody deals with things differently. Sometimes, yes, I’ve thought: “What have I done to deserve this?”
‘I said it a few times. Why me again? You talk about strong people. I think I’d rather be weak and not have it again thank you! I’d like to not have to be strong.’
Now, you sense slightly nervously, they await the response to their personal lives becoming very public. They have no need to worry.
A Clear Blue Sky is not just the cricket book of the year, it will become a very important reference point for anyone who has suffered like they have.
‘I’m proud of both my children,’ says Janet. ‘They’ve excelled at everything you could possibly want, both as human beings and in the careers they’ve chosen.
‘As a parent, in whatever path they choose, you just want them to be healthy and upstanding. You put the foundations on but it’s up to them to build the bricks.’
Final word to Jonny: ‘We’re hoping this book can inspire someone who is having problems or who has gone through a bad experience and will now know they can say “we’re not that bad here”.
‘If someone has lost somebody or has had cancer then this might help them relate to our experiences…’
There is truly no need for sadness when learning about the Bairstow story. It will be an inspiration to thousands.
I had to beat the cancer because I had two children