Money to burn? Try these two perfect Mercs

Let’s pretend money is no object .... Ready? Then Mercedes have the perfect supercars just for you

When most people are asked what they would do if they won the lottery, the top two answers are: give up work, and pay off all the family mortgages. Well, now here’s a third: buy one of this week’s test cars, the Mercedes-AMG GT R Coupé and Mercedes-AMG GT C Roadster.

‘Which one would you like to review?’ I was asked. ‘Er, can’t we have both?’ ‘Sure, why not?’ said The Man. Good job too as it turns out, because the C is not simply the convertible version of the R. It’s fabulous, feral, monstrously magnificent and all that, but it’s an entirely different beast altogether.

Neither of these cars should be anywhere near as beautiful as they are in the flesh. They’re too wide, the noses are too long, they are a bit flat and fat all round. But the thing is, they are absolutely drop-dead gorgeous.

When you plonk yourself behind the wheel, the cockpit too seems cavernous for a sporty two-seater, the infinite bonnet dwarfs whichever part of the world happens to be behind it at the time, and the door tops are too high to see clearly over. But none of this matters the second you fire up the engine. Suddenly, everything changes. Your toes and the soles of your feet feel it first, then your calves, thighs, buttocks, fingertips, heart and mind.

What’s just happened is that four litres of petrol-fuelled V8 bi-turbo Mercedes-AMG insanity has been rudely awakened from its slumber and mainlined from machine to human being. You are no longer alone. You have acquired both a superpower and protector, as well as a new best friend. You also happen to be sitting in the best value-for-money convertible supercar available. The sensation is simply ridiculous.

The C costs a touch over €270k – a mountain of cash for something so impractical and unnecessary in life. But if you compare it to any similarly impractical and unnecessary vehicle, it is a nailed-on bargain. In relative terms, these massive, front-engined, show-stopping Mercedes are actually tumbling in price, whereas the likes of Ferrari and McLaren continue to skyrocket. And please, do not underestimate how gobsmacking they look and sound in comparison.

Any car in the world that can reach 100kph in under four seconds is as idiotically fast as a car ever needs to be. In which case – tick – put the Roadster down for 3.7 seconds. Similarly, once a car surpasses, say 550hp, all that’s happening after that is a willy-waving competition. Tick again – the C whips

‘At the front there’s a huge gaping mouth, hanging open like a sea creature in Blue Planet II’

up 557hp, effortlessly. Put your foot down and it’s all there, straight from the off, thanks to heaps of torque.

Then there’s the unexpectedly silky handling via that deliciously chunky flat-bottomed steering wheel. The one that whispers: ‘The more gently you hold me, the more information I’ll transmit back up from the tarmac, deep into your psyche.’ Where the ethereal meets the visceral. That’s the heavenly

vacuum you’ll find yourself floating in.

And all this before you even begin to think about deselecting Comfort mode in favour of Sport, Sport+, Race or Individual. And all that before realising you are surrounded by a plush interior with S-Class connectivity and a truly sensational sound system. And all of this punctuated by a never-ending stream of looks of awe and wonder from almost everyone you pull up next to at the lights, or pass on the street.

Yes, I’m a fan. Yes, anyone considering a luxury sports convertible should testdrive one of these. Yes, yes, yes. But!

Then there is the R. Oh my giddy AMG archangel! Breathe. Pause. Engage. There’s a rule with properly fast, jaw-dropping modern sports cars: they look like supermodels on the cover of glossy car mags but completely stupid stuck in traffic on the M50. The R, however, looks beautiful all of the time, any place, anywhere. Thanks to a gloriously simple signature line that sweeps backwards, from deep underneath the nose, along the sills, around the bum and over the top to create a stunning, seamless outline.

At the front there’s a huge gaping mouth, hanging open like a lost creature auditioning for Blue Planet 3. This is complemented at the rear by a subtle trio of tidy tailpipes, the middle one for spent CO2, flanked either side by matching outlets for the turbo’s detritus.

This is all lottery money stuff but I simply cannot believe this car starts at €252,400. Compare that to a Ferrari 488, which won’t so much as stick its snout out of the showroom for around €75k more.

Now let’s focus on the R’s vocal cords. The noise is just plain offensive. In Race mode I think it may even be illegal. Everyone you pass – especially on change-down when the pops and bangs are deafening – will think you are a total prat, and they may have a point. But don’t worry, you won’t care because you’ll be in torque heaven, all 700Nm of it. This, along with the R’s extra horsepower, are both only a tad over the C’s but feel way more. Compared to the allegedly better, more expensive cars in this class, it’s as if AMG has said: ‘We have all the power we need because we’re making much more of the power we have.’ In which case, slam dunk, everyone else go home. ’Tis done. ’Tis over.

Not only has sensory meltdown been achieved, but in the R you also have an extra driving brain. It is almost impossible to run out of talent with the ego-preservers this thing has on board. Like the active rear-wheel steering, which effectively shortens or lengthens the chassis depending on what you’re up to at the time. Or the nine-position traction control (unless, that is, you are brave/mad/suicidal enough to dial it down to zero. In which case let me know beforehand and I’ll say a prayer for you).

I know this may sound crazy, but in the mental world in which these cars were designed to compete and exist, they wipe the floor with anything else when it comes to luxury and value for money. Nothing even comes close.

Here are three cars that are a bit better to drive: the Ferrari F12 Tdf, Ford GT and McLaren F1. But they have a combined value today of circa €15 million.

Which means that for one per cent of that you can have 99% of the same fun with either of these two AMG GTs (but especially the one with a roof ).

PS. I never mentioned the fuel consumption, which at best was 19.3mpg.

PPS. I’m lying, it was more like 16.3mpg.

PPPS. Still lying…