SMOKES & DAGGERS

A mischievous mix of (mostly) news

AS IRELAND mourned the death of singer Dolores O’Riordan, pictured, the Irish Times’s correspondent in Berlin, Derek Scally, observed a little tension in his adoptive home. A notice left on a door of a Berlin apartment block read: ‘Dear neighbour on second floor: my sympathies on the death of the Cranberries singer, but playing “Zombie” at full volume 10 times won’t bring her back... it’s just really annoying.’ HAPPY birthday to Leo Varadkar. He turned 39 this week. We’d reassure him that life only begins at 40, but we’ll refrain from defining when life begins, given his abortion referendum woes… COVERING the Disclosures Tribunal, RTÉ News tweeted an unfortunate typo: ‘Tribunal hears senior gardaí under enormous dress during O’Higgins inquiry.’ AMID the frosty weather, Smokes noticed that Scottish gritters have a wonderful tracking system, and an even better naming convention. Among the names are: Gritty Gritty Bang Bang, Sir Andy Flurry, Sir Salter Scott, Gritallica and Luke Snowalker. DANNY HEALY-RAE, pictured, waxed lyrical in the Dáil about Kerry this week, painting it as a curious mixture of welcoming and warlike. It is, he said, ‘the finest place and it is well able to accommodate everyone that comes. Whether they come from Hong Kong, Texas or wherever, they are all wonderfully looked after by the mighty people of Kerry. If there is an oil strike, or if anything like that happens, we have plenty of fine bogs and plenty of turf and we will keep ourselves warm for a long time provided these fellows with other ideas do not stop us from cutting the turf. It will take a fair effort to stop us from cutting the turf, and anyone who tries will get a rude awakening if they land with any type of army to stop us because we will put up massive resistance. We’ve been doing it for years and we will continue to do it.’ Put that in your pipe and smoke it!