Citroen’s Cactus is a smooth ride

A sassy new Citroen... and some twincredible news for Mrs Evans

CAR OF THE WEEK Citroën C4 Cactus Flair Pure Tech 130 ★ ★ ★ ★★

HALFWAY through a priceless fortnight off with the ankle-biters. ‘What time is it, Daddy?’ ‘The time is now,’ I reply. ‘And it’s going to stay now until next Sunday evening.’ ‘Why, what time will it be then?’ ‘Time for school in the morning.’ ‘Oh no.’ ‘Well you did ask. But, hey, don’t worry, there are still seven sleeps to go. Until then, we party.’

For the kids this involves such hedonism as pancakes every day for breakfast: Grandad’s recipe, with daubs of Nutella and vast quantities of maple syrup. While they’re fuelling up for the day, I can be found revelling in such gloriously self-indulgent holiday challenges as trying to figure out how to change the ringtone on my iPhone to, ooh let’s see, Cosmic, Ripples or By The Seaside (strokes chin and furrows brow). Um, I wonder…

Mrs Evans, on the other hand, has been smiling. A lot. Because we are very quietly thrilled to be able to whisper that she is with child. In fact, children. Thanks to some very clever people, Tash has made it to 13-and-a-bit weeks. So far so good. We continue to keep everything crossed, 24 hours a day, for ourselves and everyone else in similar situations. With a bit of luck, Double Trouble will be joining us around the start of October.

What, then, of the Citroën C4 Cactus, the kooky little hatchback that’s been hauling the ‘six’ of us around since Easter? (Seven, if you include Eli’s new best friend.) This car is deceptively roomy. All passengers were more than comfortable all of the time. It was the front seats, however, that really captured the imagination. They are a blast from the past – a postbench seat, old-school, utilitarian affair. The kind we used to reincarnate as den furniture back in the day after the vehicles they originally belonged to had basically fallen apart. If only the C4’s front seats were anywhere near as comfortable as they look…

Oh, hang on a mo’, they are. In fact they are ridiculously comfortable, and not just because of the generous retro size and shape, and the extra high-density foam padding beneath your backside.

The C4’s suspension has what Citroën calls ‘progressive hydraulic cushions’, which absorb potholes with aplomb and even smooth out the dreaded speed bumps.

The comfy thing is emblematic of what Citroën now seems to have decided is the former crossover’s reason for being, a conscious return to the French car-maker’s legendary air-suspension roots. Yes that’s right, you read correctly, FORMER crossover. The Cactus has been recategorised as a family hatchback, leaving its Aircross range (the small C3 and upcoming larger C5) to battle for buyers in the fastgrowing SUV market. Bold? Desperate? It doesn’t matter – if it works. Some of the most amazing creations have arisen out of adversity and desperation.

The boot is relatively huge – for the size of car. How have they created all that space and still accommodated those three rear perches? The sunroof is also a revelation, encompassing almost all the roof space, begging the question: where does it go when you open it? The answer is nowhere, because it doesn’t open at all. Which is fine by us because we never open it anyway. Hats off to Citroën for the most common-sense innovation this side of the Stone Age.

If only the same could be said for the infotainment system, which looks as if it’s still in the Stone Age. Not only is it of the temperamental touchscreen variety but the graphics are woefully ancient, especially in the context of what is otherwise an ambitious interior design statement. A joyously multi-coloured, giant suitcase-themed environment with funky, luggage-handle-style door pulls and Louis Vuitton-style glove box. I thought it was fab.

When it comes to driving, the mini-powerhouse three-cylinder engine shows all the traits of a petrol engine doing its best to sound like a diesel. That said, the 130hp and 230Nm of torque available is yet another welcome surprise. That’s more than enough punch for a vehicle like this. The only thing to watch out for as a consequence of such might is the fact that the power can be a bit on and off where the accelerator pedal is concerned. This can cause the front to become a little light and vague if one’s right foot gets a bit over-excited.

The driving position was a little too sit-up-and-beg for me. The brakes, however, were as keen as mustard, and there’s little to worry about when it comes to the steering and handling. Yes, there’s a degree of body roll when cornering hard, but this car’s raison d’être is comfort, not out-and-out speed.

I do miss the old Cactus air bumps on the doors, which are now reduced to little flourishes near the sills. I thought they gave the car a confident and quirky character. But one that perhaps proved to be too Marmite for many potential C4 buyers, ultimately putting them off. I get it. I’ll get over it.