Why we won’t vote in January

WHEN is the general election going to be? If the Health Minister has his way, it won’t be January, as that is when Simon Harris is expecting a baby with wife Caoimhe. SPEAKING of Minister Harris, we noticed a rather unfortunate missed question at the recent Oireachtas Press Gallery Quiz. The assembled table quiz patrons were asked who got the second highest first preference vote overall in the 2016 election. Embarrassingly, Harris gave the wrong answer to what should have been an easy one for him, as the answer is his Wicklow constituency rival Stephen Donnelly. Perhaps it was just a blind spot. SMOKES is informed of a new source of terror for both junior and senior ministers via a roll call where their appearances in the media are weighed and measured in public at ministerial meetings by one of Leo’s lackeys. One minister told Smokes: ‘It’s quite terrifying; they start off with the weakest performers first and go through the rest one by one. No one escapes.’