Quotes OF THE WEEK

‘We don’t have any shorts left.’ James O’Callaghan, assistant manager at Elverys in Ennis, a few days into the heatwave.

‘There is nothing more terrifying than hearing multiple people get shot while you’re under your desk and then hear the gunman reload.’ Phil Davis, a reporter on the Capital Gazette in Maryland, where a gunman killed five.

‘When I bent down, he said: “You can stand up now” and I said: “I don’t think I can.”’ Barry Gibb, 71-year-old Bee Gee, tells of the conversation he had with Prince Charles about his sore knees while being knighted.

‘Bye ball! I’ll never forget the good times!’ Graham Linehan, cocreator of Father Ted, makes light of an operation to treat his testicular cancer

‘My eyes are weird. I have a crooked smile and my nose looks like a ski slope. No, I would not win a “Miss” contest.’ Jane Seymour, actress, plays down her natural beauty.

‘Oprah made a cameo in this week’s episode of The Handmaid’s Tale. And by the end of the show, all the handmaids had new cars.’ Jimmy Fallon, US comedian and talkshow host.

‘It was not so much the fast and the furious as stationary and panicking.’ Michael McIntyre, comedian, recalls being the victim of moped criminals while in his car.

‘I think this book is bigger than the Bible. And do you know why? Because this is going to spread cheer like the Bible.’ Gemma Collins, star of The Only Way Is Essex, does not suffer from undue modesty as she promotes her book, The GC: How To Be A Diva