I’m no weirdo schlubby dad in a Mex­i­can shack who drinks beer and lives on Mc­Don­ald’s

The Irish Mail on Sunday - - NEWS - BY THOMAS MARKLE

THOU­SANDS of sto­ries have been writ­ten about me, most of them bull***t. I’ve given two in­ter­views. This is my third. Things have been made up, spun around and oth­ers are out­right lies…

THE FICTION

I’M a drunk be­cause I’ve been pho­tographed buy­ing beer.

THE FACTS

I BUY beer for the guards at the gate­house at the com­pound where I live. Sharon Os­bourne ac­cused me of be­ing an al­co­holic the other day. How dare she? I drink the oc­ca­sional glass of red wine with din­ner be­cause it’s good for my heart. How can Sharon Os­bourne crit­i­cise me? My fam­ily might be dys­func­tional but it’s noth­ing com­pared to hers.

THE FICTION I FAKED my heart at­tack. When re­porters called the Chula Vista Med­i­cal Cen­ter where I was treated they de­nied I’d ever been in there.

THE FACTS

YOU have a right to pri­vacy when you go into hos­pi­tal. I didn’t want my name out there but they [re­porters] still found me. I had to es­cape through a build­ing site at the back of the hos­pi­tal and then I went to a safe house, a tiny rented flat, which is where I watched the wed­ding. I have the med­i­cal bills to prove I had a heart at­tack. The in­sur­ance bills were $140,000 and I have to pay $20,000 of it as ex­cess.

THE FICTION

MEGHAN lived with her mother af­ter we di­vorced when she was six and I only had lim­ited con­tact with her be­cause I was work­ing all the time.

THE FACTS

MEGHAN lived with me from the age of 11 un­til she went off to col­lege af­ter high school. Be­fore that I saw her all the time. I dropped her off at school ev­ery morn­ing when I went to work and ar­ranged for some­one to bring her to the set [of TV shows he worked on such as Mar­ried, With Chil­dren and Gen­eral Hos­pi­tal) af­ter school. We were very close. I took her to her dance and drama classes. I would help build sets for her drama classes. I would help stage her shows. I would al­ways take her to CC Browns. It’s shut now but it was an ice cream par­lour on Sun­set Boule­vard. We

Meghan has asked me to stop talk­ing to Sa­man­tha. I have two daugh­ters, I can’t stop talk­ing to one of them. I love Meghan but I also love Sa­man­tha

also went to Ham­burger Ham­let. Then we would rent old dance movies. We watched ev­ery Busby Berke­ley movie. She loved them. She wanted to be a dancer at first.

THE FICTION I LIVE on Mc­Don­ald’s meals.

THE FACTS

I EAT a mostly fish­based diet. I go to Mc­Don­ald’s be­cause when you’re my age af­ter a two-hour drive it is a good place to pee. I get take-out fish from Mc­Don­ald’s. I’ve lost 40lb since my heart at­tack. I eat fish and veg­eta­bles and stay on a 2,000 calorie-a-day diet.

THE FICTION

I’M a loser who mooches off my daugh­ter and the Royal Fam­ily.

THE FACTS

I HAVE been nom­i­nated for eight Em­mys [the TV equiv­a­lent of the Os­cars] and won three. I’ve trav­elled all over the world. I did de­clare bank­ruptcy be­fore I went down to Mex­ico but that was be­cause I was in credit card debt and I wanted to wipe the slate clean. They were try­ing to charge me 28% on the credit card debt and I refuse to pay that kind of crazy in­ter­est. I’ve never taken a penny from Meghan and I’ve never cashed in on the Royal Fam­ily. I’ve been of­fered hun­dreds of thou­sands of dol­lars to do talk shows and I’ve turned every­thing down.

THE FICTION

I’M a self-pity­ing nar­cis­sist who’s been talk­ing con­stantly to the press.

THE FACTS

THIS is only the third in­ter­view I’ve given. All the other sto­ries are crafted from the three orig­i­nal sto­ries and most of them are lies. I’m not cry­ing or feel­ing sorry for my­self.

THE FICTION I HAVE sev­eral il­le­git­i­mate chil­dren.

THE FACTS

THEY are sim­ply close friends. One child is the daugh­ter of my ex-house­keeper and her very nice hus­band who are good friends to me. Ev­ery time I try to help some­one it gets turned into some­thing tawdry. I don’t like that ev­ery time I’m with friends I am try­ing to help it gets turned into some­thing sleazy.

THE FICTION I WAS not in­volved in Meghan’s life.

THE FACTS

MEGHAN her­self has talked about how I was there. I don’t have to say it. She says I was there. The so­cial ac­tivism she is so proud of is some­thing I al­ways en­cour­aged. We bought turkey din­ners and took them to the home­less. We would drive up and down Hol­ly­wood Boule­vard and hand meals out to the needy. She’s talked about that.

When she was given a form at school to fill out her race and it was black or white she didn’t know what to mark down be­cause she didn’t want to hurt her mother’s feel­ings or mine. She came home and said ‘I don’t know what to do.’ I told her: ‘Make your own box.’

‘HURT’: Thomas Markle with Meghan when she was younger

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