The Irish Mail on Sunday

SMOKES & DAGGERS

A mischievou­s mix of (mostly) news

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SMOKES enjoyed Graham Norton’s joke to Ryan Tubridy during his interview on Friday’s Late Late, shortly before 10pm. He said: ‘My mam is watching. Not for long, though, she’ll be turning over to watch me soon.’ THE Fine Gael spin machine is in trouble again after local community and voluntary organisati­ons revolted over attempts by the feuding Laois-Offaly election candidates John Clendennen and Marcella Corcoran Kennedy to claim credit for campaigns they have had nothing to do with. Smokes hears the two candidates have been caught on at least four occasions seeking credit for achievemen­ts where the groups adamantly deny any involvemen­t of the aspirant TDs. One community organisati­on said: ‘The first we heard from or had any communicat­ion with these characters is when they contacted us with “news” about a grant.’ SPARE a thought for the misguided thief who jumped in the River Dodder thinking the water would conceal his body temperatur­e from Garda helicopter­s. Alas, there was no Garda chopper in the air, and he was caught anyway. To top it all off, he lost a sentence appeal this week. Some surprise was expressed about the silence of Fine Gael backbenche­rs during Paschal’s great Budget speech. It turns out that history rather than the contents were to blame. One Fine Gael TD said later: ‘We still remember the first Brian Lenihan budget where he cut the socks off everyone and the Fianna Fáil backbenche­rs gave him a standing ovation, thinking they were in Charlie McCreevy land. We’ve kind of got out of the habit after that.’

THE onslaught of unnecessar­y street furniture continues apace. It’s a sign of the times that council officials simply love more and more cheap metal signposts.

I recently counted 23 different street signs around one junction in Dublin city centre. Most of the poles were simply unnecessar­y – apart from being a hazard to people on the pavement including the visually impaired, those in wheelchair­s and with baby buggies.

The latest addition are garish yellow signs erected on lampposts by the AA – a commercial organisati­on. Currently they are dotted around the country advertisin­g a new brand of petrol station. No doubt the petrol company are paying the AA – but does the Automobile Associatio­n pay councils for the right to erect these ugly adverts?

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