Rolling with it in Orlando
With such lofty pursuits coaster geek Philip Nolan just can’t keep his feet on the ground in Orlando
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a spider flushed down the loo? Well, wonder no more, because surely it feels an awful lot like being on Ray Rush, the new slide in SeaWorld Orlando’s Aquatica water park. You and up to three friends sit in an inflatable raft and immediately descend through twisting pipes before emerging into a huge pan that looks a lot like a toilet bowl. You rise almost to the rim, leading to the heart-stopping expectation you might actually fly out over the side, but you don’t. Instead, you gradually are sucked towards the S-bend before another series of pipes leads you to the splashdown area.
It’s all absolutely exhilarating and you’ll want to do it over and over again, interspersed with bobbing along in a rubber ring on the brilliant lazy river, or standing in one of two huge pools waiting for the wave machine to churn the water as if another of our more frequent intense storms has just hit.
I’ve come to Orlando to try not just Ray Rush, but a new ride in SeaWorld itself, a fun river rapids ride called Infinity Falls that features a vertical lift and a 13m final slide – the world’s tallest. Be warned, though – you will get absolutely soaked.
The park slowly is repositioning itself as a bit of a white-knuckle destination after years of criticism by animal rights activists over its daily shows featuring orcas, notably in the Blackfish documentary.
I’ve been behind the scenes several times over the years, and what many don’t know is that SeaWorld has rescued and rehabilitated some 30,000 animals, many of them manatees injured in Florida’s intracoastal waterways by speedboat propellers.
That seems to me to be the more admirable way to go, because I went to the whale show again this year and still feel queasy about animals used for entertainment.
For me, the real fun is the roller coasters and SeaWorld has three absolute crackers. The oldest is Kraken, a floorless coaster in which your legs dangle free as you’re turned upside down seven times; Manta, a flying coaster where you ride face down and parallel with the ground; and, especially, Mako. With a 61m first drop and a top speed of 112kph, it is the fastest and joint tallest coaster in Florida, and it has one thing none of the others has – incredible airtime. That’s a fancy coaster enthusiast term for a very simple concept; namely when your backside leaves the seat and you feel like you’re going to be expelled into the ether. With a fantastic series of camelback hills – straight up and straight down, with no upside downs – Mako playfully makes you rise and fall with only a thigh bar to stop you falling out. It’s as thrilling a ride as you’ll find anywhere, and alone worth the trip to Florida.
For others, the highlight will be Discovery Cove, the third of SeaWorld’s cluster of parks. The concept here is quite different.
Admittance is limited to 1,200 guests a day and the park is allinclusive. Once you pay in, your towels, sun-loungers, food, drink and even sunscreen are free – the latter has to be, because it’s a specially formulated cream that doesn’t impact on the marine life you’ll find yourself sharing some of the pools with. The highlight for most is the chance to swim with dolphins, or to put on an airfed diving helmet and walk through an artificial reef in SeaVenture (there’s a $49 extra charge). A package is available for all the SeaWorld parks and includes the sister park, Busch Gardens in Tampa, roughly an hour’s drive away.
Almost everyone hires a car when in Orlando, but if you don’t, there are free shuttles from most hotels in the area to Busch Gardens, and it’s well worth the trip. The highlight for animal lovers is
IT HIT ME THAT I’D BEEN UPSIDE DOWN 31 TIMES IN FOUR HOURS
the Serengeti plain area, where giraffes, antelope and rhinoceros, among many other animals, roam freely; there are great views to be had from the Skyride cable car that crosses the plain.
Dedicated enclosures for gorillas and lions are spacious and well designed, allaying many of my reservations about zoos, and if you want to spend extra money, you can take a tour on an open truck out into the Serengeti, where you can hand-feed lettuce to giraffes.
For my money, though, the real reason to visit Busch gardens is the dazzling array of roller coasters, of which the inverted Montu (as in, it is suspended from the track rather than running on it) is the best. Cheetah Hunt, an accelerator coaster than whips you from zero to 100kph before following a brilliantly banked track through mini canyons, is a close second, followed by the dive coaster SheiKra (you’re suspended at the top of the first 60m drop for a few seconds before dropping vertically) and the now 25-year-old Kumba. I rode and re-rode most of them and gave up only when I realised I had been upside down 31 times in four hours and maybe it would be nice to have something resembling a stomach left to accommodate dinner.
And, of course, the parks are not all that central Florida has to offer. I’m not a huge fan of American food – too much of it is fried, and there’s just too bloody much of it, full stop – but the restaurant scene has exploded there in the 32 years I’ve been visiting (this trip was my 16th).
Sand Lake Road has become known as Restaurant Row, and here you’ll find the likes of Seasons 52, Urbain 40, Slate and, best of all, Rocco’s Tacos and Tequila Bar. There’s a large Hispanic population in the area, and Rocco’s heaves with locals, always a good sign. There’s great music until 2am and if you want a big night out, look no further. In Uncle Julio’s Mexican restaurant next to Icon Orlando (it’s the London Eye-style big wheel on International Drive), the signature experience is the dessert piñata, a suspended chocolate globe you beat with a stick to reveal the goodies inside. It’s $30 (€26.50) but it fed 10 of us.
Finally, if you want the cheesiest but funniest night out, Mango’s Tropical Café runs a floorshow that defies categorisation, and includes samba, street dance and a Michael Jackson impersonator. You’ll be looking into your goldfish-bowl cocktails wondering just how strong the alcohol is.
Above all, though, the great thing about Orlando is that there’s always something new to keep you coming back and while I never thought I’d say this, the most fun you’ll ever have is being flushed down the loo.