Quotes OF THE WEEK

‘I used to love beating up kids at barbecues. Now I realise that’s wrong.’ Comic Ricky Gervais, on the new Gillette razor advert

‘I always wanted to meet a royal – but not this way.’ Reported comment of the woman whose vehicle collided with a Land Rover driven by Prince Philip.

‘I am in favour of the Norway option. That we all go and live in Norway.’ Milton Jones, English comedian, on what to do about Brexit

‘It filled me with gloom that the government had got to such a pass that it had to rely on the skills of a criminal defence advocate to get it out of its difficulties.’ Dominic Grieve, Tory remainer MP, on a speech in defence of Theresa May’s Brexit deal delivered in parliament by attorney general (and top barrister) Geoffrey Cox

‘I always have one eye open, even if I’m at the shop buying teabags.’ Holly Carpenter, former Miss Ireland and Dancing With The Stars contestant, on how she’s single but looking

‘I remember waking up and thinking it’s okay to have a drink at 11am because I haven’t had a drink in five hours.’ Myleene Klass, pop star turned broadcaster, saying she turned to drink during her bitter divorce

‘My mother used to hit me with one. My girlfriend used to hit me with one. It was useful for all sorts of things.’ James Nesbitt, actor, jokes about the Yellow Pages, which has published its final edition

‘You had the perfect end to your wonderful life. No one could have written your final exit better.’ Suzy Aitchison, paying tribute at the funeral of her mother, actress June Whitfield, who died in her sleep at the end of December at the age of 93