Dermot’s boyish energy makes me feel at home
He’s watching what you’re watching!
Dermot Bannon’s Incredible Homes RTÉ One, Sunday
Operation Transformation RTÉ One, Wednesday
Bridget And Eamon RTÉ2, Thursday
There’s very little in life quite as depressing as sitting on your own couch in the depths of winter, mild and all as it might be, while looking at extraordinary houses in sunny climes. And so it proved with Dermot Bannon’s Incredible Homes, a superlative that for once seemed to do scant justice to the subject matter.
Not so long ago, RTÉ’s Billionaire B&B trod similar ground, but while the presenter of that, Yasmine Akram, spent much of the time gurning to camera and being overwhelmed simply by vulgar ostentation, you’re always in much safer hands with Bannon, who as an architect is more concerned with function and form than he is with dollars and cents.
That’s not to say he was any less wide-eyed, just in a different and entirely understandable way, because the houses he visited in Sydney and its environs were, for the most part, absolutely jaw-dropping.
The first belonged to billionaire Judith Neilson and everything in it was custom-made to order, including a dining table that accommodated 60 people. As Bannon rightly pointed out, it was less of a house and more like a castle, not least in the entrance hall, which rose 12 metres from floor to ceiling and had a set of stairs for which the design brief was simple – they had to be wide enough for a horse, in case the incredibly youthful 72-yearold Ms Neilson needed one in the future to carry her to bed.
There was a funny moment when Neilson explained why she stuck to her guns about a stone floor covering despite protests from her architect, who ‘gave in when I stood my ground’. Bannon, who is used to imposing his will on his
Room To Improve clients and ultimately getting his own way, laughed just a little nervously at such notions.
Not all the houses were knockouts. Despite the fact it won a major prize, I didn’t care much for the Cabbage Tree House in the Sydney suburbs. The exterior, built into a rockface, was nice, but the interior felt oppressive and the furnishing taste of the couple who owned it seemed somehow at odds with the house itself, creating a conflict I found it a little unnerving. Doubly so was the loo, which was completely surrounded by glass. There are some things you really never need to see, and houseguests going about their daily business is very high on the list.
The best was saved for last, though, as Bannon visited the Cliff House on the beach walk between Gordon’s Bay and Coogee. At entry level, a wall of bricks with holes through them create a screen that masked a stunning view, merely hinting at what lay beyond. As Bannon moved down through the house, though, the view revealed itself, and it gave the building a phenomenal sense of drama. Honestly, if I
Operation Transformation I’d venture there wasn’t a dry eye when leader Jean Tierney broke her news
Bridget And Eamon The couple’s triumphant return captured Ireland in the Eighties perfectly in every way
Dermot Bannon’s Incredible Homes The houses Bannon visited in Sydney were mostly jaw-dropping
had won that EuroMillions megajackpot on Friday night, I would have been on the first plane, in first-class and all, to make the owners an offer they couldn’t refuse.
There are many who condemn RTÉ’s multiple house-envy shows at a time when so many are homeless, but two issues are being conflated rather erroneously. Of course, everyone should have a home but even for those of us who do, there is always a better and brighter one that we can only dream of. Being able to snoop around them with the boyishly enthusiastic Dermot Bannon is just the sort of escapism needed at this time of year, even if it does send you to bed noticing every flaw in your own abode.
The best news of the week came in Operation Transformation. When it was announced that team leader Jean no longer would be part of the programme, my heart sank. She had struggled to reach target weight over the past couple of episodes and my first thought was that she had given up in dejection.
Instead, talking at her kitchen table to Kathryn Thomas, Jean revealed she was pregnant. If you’ve been following her journey, you will know that she has suffered the pain of miscarriage several times, and I’d venture there wasn’t a dry eye in the country when she broke the news. N one among her fellow team leaders either, who crowded around her for a group hug and displayed the mutual support for which the show has become legendary. If ever a nation could collectively will something good to happen, then Jean should rest assured that every man and woman in Ireland is now on her team.
On Thursday night, we said goodbye to Bridget And Eamon after a triumphant series that often went off in very surreal turns, reminding us that the best of comedy often can be relentlessly cruel. Over the course of the six episodes, we learned Bridget might have become pregnant by a bandmate of Eamon; we saw her ignored by her husband and even all her friends when an impostor moved into Eamon’s bed; we saw both actively work to make sure Eamon’s best friend Frank never could be happy; all of them facing certain death after drinking poisoned poitín; and losing out on a fortune when a vase they believed to be valuable proved worthless, while the Fabergé egg inside it was worth a mint; and, finally, an alien moving into their house.
It all has been whimsically, ridiculously and hilariously Irish, capturing the Eighties perfectly, not least in the décor of the couple’s frankly hideous house. As it happens, though, I think I know a man who could help out there…