SOAP WATCH

JACI STEPHEN’S ultimate insight into the week’s soaps

There is tentative good cheer in soapland now that shows are in negotiations to start re-shooting, following the coronavirus hiatus, but only if they adhere to social distancing rules.

This is obviously going to affect storylines dramatically. How will Emmerdale’s Priya survive being in the same room as a man, six feet apart? She can’t even see a guy without pouncing on him like a hungry cat on a lame mouse. And how will any woman manage to keep her hands off Cain when he comes into view (it would take restraints as well as chloroform to keep me away from him)?

Filming in characters’ homes is going to be easy enough. In

Corrie, no one ever wants to be around Tracy for any length of time anyway, and there are zero customers who go to the Co-op and only two at a time in Dev’s – and that’s on a busy day.

The most difficult scenes to shoot will be those that take place in soapland’s pubs. In EastEnders’ Queen Vic, Tracey will be assured of a job because she has only been spoken to about three times in a decade, but no one will be allowed to punch anyone any more. How are hostelries going to survive?