EASTENDERS

DROWNING IN DEEP WATER

And we’re back. The first soap to run out of episodes has returned as if it’s never been away, and we can forget the dramas of yesteryear and return to the present, where the investigation into the boat crash is at an end. How long ago that seems; even the sinking of the Titanic feels like a more recent event.

The Queen Vic bust is back in its rightful place (pictured, with Ian) and brings bad memories flooding back (Geddit? Flooding? Boat?) for Sharon, who asks Ian if Denny’s things have been returned. Blindsided with guilt again, he comes to an arrangement with Dotty to drop the charges following her arrest at the club in return for her silence about Denny. Red. Rag. Bull. Getting anyone to keep quiet about anything in Walford is about as likely as Meghan Markle taking a vow of silence and, sure enough, Dotty storms into the Vic, telling Sharon that Ian is the reason Denny died.

Oh dear. I can’t wait to see Sharon’s false eyelashes when she hears this. Let’s hope she took them off during lockdown, or the Forestry Commission might have to be brought in to hack through to her tears. How is Ian going to get out of this, and how will it affect his increasingly deep feelings for his long-time friend?

With Linda working at the launderette, Mick is jobhunting. I’m suggesting he become a hand model. That permanent frown and hoarse whispering really aren’t money spinners.