EASTENDERS

BRUVVERLY LOVE

You don’t have to go far to find a would-be criminal in Walford, and Zack (pictured) is ticking all the boxes of a modern-day soap baddie – goodlooking, seemingly charming, and in a complex relationship with Sharon, albeit only as her half-brother. Is her hair getting bigger with every dodgy turn her life takes? What’s she hiding under there? A couple of Kray brothers? I’m not optimistic about the success of that gym she’s bought; if the size of some of the locals is anything to go by, they didn’t use it before, so why bother now?

And so, finally, the big day arrives. Will this be the one on which Callum’s frown manages to absolve itself of the expression of someone who has just witnessed the drowning of a litter of puppies?

Whitney is secretly pleased when things are not going well for the hapless… I mean, happy pair, as she’s devastated she can’t go to Kush’s funeral in Dubai. Who is at hand to comfort her? Step forward, serial killer Gray. How many more people is he going to bump off, and is Whitney going to succumb to his dubious charms and enter yet another unsuccessful liaison? Expect drama when another day passes and she doesn’t manage to take off the previous night’s make-up. Somebody, please, buy the girl some Olay wipes. Sidebar: please can you tell me where Gray and Whitney buy their kitchen knives? They do a much better job of doing away with people than mine do slicing a tomato.