EASTENDERS

OUTWHIT-ED AGAIN

Nobody ever stays on the run for long in Walford; they’re lucky if they make it halfway round the block or through the turnstile at Walford East before a) they’re stopped by someone who wants them to stay b) they’re arrested by the cops or c) they turn back because they have some bizarre death wish.

Sure enough, Kheerat’s back, seemingly going for option c). But it surely won’t be long before b) comes into play because, as he explains, he’s wanted by the police and swears he’s leaving the Square for good. Alas, Stacey falls into his path and they share a passionate kiss and, even worse, Whitney spots him (pictured) and again begs for his help in protecting Chelsea. Why bother? On the evidence so far, Kheerat couldn’t protect a mermaid in a fish stew. Who’d listen to Whitney, anyway? Doesn’t she have a life outside of Gray and Chelsea? And between her red hair and pink puffer jacket, she looks like a walking wound. Who, other than a paramedic, will take her seriously?

The tedium of Bailey trying to get Karen and Mitch together drags on, with Bailey wanting just one last shot at proving to the pair how good they are for each other. The only thing that would be good for Karen is a combine harvester to sort out her hair, and an ear, nose and throat specialist to stop her from laughing like a hyena in the death throes of strangulation. What would be good for Mitch is jaw reconstruction to emit a smile.