CORONATION STREET

OH WHAT A CIRCUS

How has Toyah, a supposed qualified therapist, failed to notice the MLS all around her? This — Meaningful Looks Syndrome — is what Abi and Imran engage in every time Toyah enters the room and they have to stop talking, for fear of mentioning the whacking great elephant in there. They’re at it again when Toyah announces she’s postponed the search for wedding venues because Abi’s hearing is more important. And again in the courtroom. Actually, forget their not talking about the elephant in the room; their MLS is so intense, you could be forgiven for thinking that an entire herd was lurking nearby.

Finally, it looks as if the elephant is about to start trumpeting when, fearing Abi is back on ‘drooghs’, Kevin opens her package (pictured) and sees that Imran is named on the birth certificate as Alfie’s father. All together now and let’s hear it for Nellie the Elephant: Off she went with a trumpety trump/Trump, trump, trump.

Meanwhile, over at County’s new training ground, the police are searching for a body. Maybe they need to search for nine of them, given that there never seem to be more than two players in the team at any one time. Gary and Maria panic when a corpse turns up, and Kelly is heartbroken when DS Beckett confirms it’s her dad.

On a lighter note, Faye has an allergy to Peanut. That’s a dog, by the way. And a joke that’s been begging to be made.