CORONATION STREET

■ COPS AND BOTHERS

Everyone can breathe again as Craig sets off for his first day back in the police. The crime rate will now plummet, given that he was the only officer on the scene when every misdemeanour took place. His excitement is short-lived when Faye thinks she’s losing the baby, and the pair wait at the hospital for the scan results (pictured). They’re in for a shock, though.

Speaking of babies, what’s happened to Gemma’s quads? The only evidence of their presence now is her endless folding of small clothes from the laundry basket. Have they not grown, by the way? I swear she’s still folding the same clothes from the week they were born.

Tyrone is sad to see Fiz pack up, but she wants a fresh start in a big house with a garden, which she thinks is best for The Girls. No, what would be best for The Girls is if you manage to remember their names.

Fischergate is back big time when Roy discovers there’s a children’s chess competition (brandy, anyone, to cope with the excitement?), and Nick agrees to let Sam participate. He’s disappointed, however, when Sam wants Roy to take him. Trust me, Nick; you had more fun in your coma than you would at the competition.

Talking of competitions, Kelly wins Best Trainee Stylist at the North West Hairdressing Awards. Yes, really. Who were the other competitors? Poodle clippers?