Niamh Outsourcing Walsh’s old age next golden cow Manifesto for builders
RICHARD Barrett’s latest money spinner – developing build-to-rent ‘age appropriate’ pads for older folk – reminded me of the hapless hotelier in the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel movie, who declared: ‘I’m going to outsource old age!’
Formerly one half of Treasury Holdings with Johnnie Ronan, Richie’s Bartra Properties company is synonymous with the buildto-rent co-living apartments springing up all over Dublin that are causing such a fuss.
But his latest lightbulb moment
– ‘age appropriate’ apartment blocks – laughably labelled Later Living Concepts, really takes the biscuit. For an as-yet unspecified monthly rent, Richie offers a ‘caring and safe environment, promoting healthy living and wellbeing’.
Golf simulator and hairdressing rooms, hydrotherapy, massage and private members club make up this Nirvana for the Elderly.
Now many older folk love pets but there’s no mention of a pet policy; many like to swim but there’s no pool (to be fair there are two rooftop hot tubs for those agile enough to climb in provided they didn’t get vertigo on the way up).
Others are typically fond of gardening but there seems little scope for that malarkey.
It’s fair to say that Richie is no spring chicken – despite his head of dark brown hair with nary a single grey. Various reports put him at between 62 and 64.
So given that he’s almost within the target age demographic wouldn’t you think the whizz kids who surround him would have used him for a bit of market research. Something like, ‘Hey Boss, wouldn’t you love to live here what with the golf simulator and all?’
And when the time comes when you have to leave, you can just move into that swanky new nursing home you’re building at Bulloch Harbour (once we’ve seen off Pat Kenny and those pesky objectors).
Seriously, who are these developers that think they know how we want to live or dictate housing policy?
And now they have our grannies and grandads in their financial crosshairs. From cradle to grave, developers like Richie Barrett have you covered.
Back in 2017, Trinity published a Longitudinal Study on Ageing that predicted that by 2030 one in five people will be over 65. And opportunity knocked.
Because strip away the ‘caring sharing’ namby-pamby sales pitch – what Richard Barrett wants is to make money and lots of it. At least our fictional Marigold hotelier Suni was upfront about it.
Russian handbags at dawn
MONEY, it seems can buy everything, except intelligence that is. Outraged Russian women have taken to cutting up their Chanel handbags as they accuse the fashion house of being Russophobic. The French giant shut its stores in Russia last month amid ‘growing concerns’ about the Ukraine war.
This week, Chanel also said it would not sell any luxury goods to Russian customers abroad if they plan to take them home – in line with European Union sanctions.
The move has sparked a backlash among wealthy Russians – with influencers uploading the bizarre protest videos under the hashtag #ByeByeChanel.
Model Victoria Bonya, 42, posted a video saying: ‘If Chanel House does not respect its clients, do we have to respect Chanel?’
Taking a pair of scissors to her bag, DJ Katya Guseva, 39, said: ‘I am against Russophobia and against segregation by nationality.’ Actress Marina Ermoshkina, 28, added: ‘If owning Chanel means selling my motherland, then I don’t need Chanel.’
What these beauts clearly don’t realise is that this plays right into Chanel’s hands.
Luxury fashion houses detest seeing their goods for resale and they never, ever, have discounts or even annual sales. So, Chanel would prefer to see their bags chopped up than to have the prices
slashed and resold on ebay.
The Kinahans
THERE was high dudgeon indeed in City Hall when U.S Ambassador to Ireland Claire Cronin turned bounty hunter as she announced that members of the Kinahan crime cartel were the world’s most wanted. Top cop Drew Harris looked to have polished off his Garda Commissioner badge in deference to the occasion. The huge WANTED billboards bearing images of Christopher Sr, Daniel and Christopher Jr Kinahan loomed large in the background with a $5million per bounty placed on each head.
I generally have an aversion to adopting most customs from America but given the razzmatazz of the press conference and the attendant global publicity garnered this is one U.S custom we should most definitely replicate.
For far too long criminals have ravaged communities, terrorised families, run roughshod over the law and acted with the utmost impunity that the time for our good cop routine has long since gone and tough – if not a tad theatrical– measures are needed.
I imagine the cops know exactly where they are holed up and the $5m price tag was a stunt to hammer home that the end is nigh.
The very public nature of the televised press conference was also, I assume, an attempt to shame the United Arab Emirates ruler who has given them safe harbour.
It was also highly entertaining with a dramatic climax: Drew Harris turned tough cop when delivering his lines to perfection: ‘You can run but you can no longer hide.’
All that was missing was a catchy theme song... “bad boys , bad boys, what ya gonna do? What ya gonna do when Drew comes for you..”
Learning lessons
I WAS driving down the M50 and listening to the news when none other than An Taoiseach came on to bumble his way through yet another fine mess of the Government’s making.
This time it was, of course, the whole sorry Tony Holohan saga. And lo and behold if I didn’t nearly choke on my coffee when Martin says: ‘Lessons will be learned’
We were told lessons would be learned after Zappone-gate. In fact, since Martin took office all he has told us is that lessons would be learned. It’s abundantly obvious they never are.
As Martin is a former schoolteacher, perhaps he should write 1,000 lines of Lessons Will Be Learned. Then maybe, just maybe, they might be learned.