Lost, but forever loved
...and now forever remembered by future generations as grieving parents honour their children in moving entries in the census time capsule
BEREAVED parents have told how memorialising their late children in the time capsule section of the census has given them comfort.
Many grieving parents shared pictures of their emotional contributions in which they documented their children’s short lives on the census time capsules, which will be made available to future generations after 100 years.
Ruth Cotter, 30, from Leixlip, Co. Kildare, lost her son Taidhg, who was born with half a heart in October, at just 38 days old.
Taidhg was diagnosed with a rare condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS) and
‘It felt so special that we could include him’
despite surviving open-heart surgery at four days old, he died suddenly five weeks later.
Ruth told the Irish Mail on Sunday: ‘I was putting off filling out the census because I was upset that Taidhg wouldn’t be in it and then I remembered that there was the time capsule at the back and it just felt so special that we could include him in it somehow.
‘When you become a parent who loses their child you have this constant fear of them being forgotten, so it’s lovely to know that our relations in 100 years will be able to read about their great, great uncle.
‘Having a space to honour people that didn’t make it to any census, or even those that did, allows you to show how much meaning these people brought to our lives.’
Ruth said the process of documenting Taidhg was ‘cathartic’ and included a short poem she wrote about her baby which read: ‘We will see you in every ray of light. We will gaze upon you in the stars at night. We will hold you in our hearts forever. Our baby boy Taidhg, our biggest treasure.’
Amy Dutil-Wall, 30, from Co. Clare, also used her time capsule to pay a moving tribute to her daughter Estlin Luna, who died in 2017. She wrote: ‘Tonight as we count those in our house and our family, we are thinking so much of our beloved little girl.
‘She was tragically taken from us five years ago, just before her fourth birthday, in a car crash. Estlin was our firstborn child and the love of our lives. She was never counted in a census and so we are so relieved to be able to mention her here. She was beautiful, creative, funny, so smart and clever and confident beyond her years. We were honoured to be her parents and honoured still to grieve for her for the rest of our lives.’
Sharing her words on social media, Amy’s tweet received more than 40,000 likes, and she said she felt comfort knowing that her descendants would be able to read about her daughter.
Amy told the MoS: ‘It was very obvious to us that night when we were filling in everyone’s names that one was missing. That is something we feel all the time.
‘There was nothing else that we could have put into the time capsule other than to mark that Estlin lived and that we love her and miss her. It was incredibly meaningful for us to be able to do that.’
Claire Cullen, 37, from Waterford, lost her daughter Alex Patricia in September 2015 when she was born at 26 weeks. Claire recorded Alex in the national stillbirths register, where any baby of at least 24 weeks or at least 500 grams can be registered, but was upset there was no other public forum where her daughter could be documented.
She said: ‘As part of our family it’s really important to me that she’s acknowledged forever, that people remember who she is, that she existed, and that I have a third daughter. It’s also really important that the fact we lost her is acknowledged, that I went through that.
‘For most people who have experienced pregnancy loss, the lack of acknowledgement can be really painful and can add to your isolation, loneliness and grief.’
In the last census in 2016, Claire was able to include Alex under the question which asked how many children she had given birth to. But this question was not included in the 2022 census so Claire decided to use the time capsule to remember her instead.
She told the MoS: ‘It was a much more difficult process than I expected. My loss was almost seven years ago now and it still hurts and it always will.
‘But I knew that there was nothing else that I wanted to put in the time capsule apart from an acknowledgement of Alex. The most important thing for me was to show that she had a place in our family. That’s the thing I want people to know in 100 years’ time.
‘I loved the idea that you could put in little details that wouldn’t be known otherwise. It was an opportunity for people to record a day-today thing that to them is so important.’
Ireland is the first country to add a time capsule section to its census, with the purpose of recording the personal stories behind the data.
This will likely be the only year that handwritten stories are documented as online questionnaires will be introduced in 2027.
‘We were honoured to be her parents’