THIS COULD GET MESSY, PHILL

CORONATION STREET

Little did Fiz know when she named her daughter Hope that she would spend every day saying her name — not as in calling her by it (she is only ever one half of The Girls), but as in really hoping that she’ll turn into a ‘normal’ child. After discovering what Phill is up to, Hope takes revenge by smashing the arm of a mini-digger into his car (inset right).

Storming round to Phill’s when the truth comes out, Tyrone struggles with him, and the pair fall into the wet cement on the patio (above). How much work is Phill doing on that new house, for goodness’ sake? They’ve even had some underfloor heating installed (good luck with that amid soaring energy costs). He’s lost his job, so how is he paying for it all? Struggling to find an engagement ring in the concrete, he retrieves it and proposes to Fiz. Er, he has met Hope, right?

It’s another week packed with BWP (Below Waist Problems), with Faye being referred to a fertility specialist and Tim talking to Dr Gaddas about his impotence. Somebody, give the doctor a drink! Does she ever leave that office? The waiting room’s never even half full, so surely she could slip out for the odd half at the Rovers during lunchtime.

Imran and Toyah agree to let Abi have

Alfie for a day, little suspecting that she’s planning to do a runner.

After securing two fake passports and making travel plans for Costa

Rica (that’s some adventure, when Blackpool is another continent to most locals), she begs Kevin to keep her secret. When he bumps into Imran in the street, will he reveal all? Have you noticed how much time Imran spends in the street, by the way, always lurking with sinister intent? For a man who is outdoors so much, you’d think he’d have had the nous to buy an overcoat.

Maybe he’s just keeping an eye on Toyah and that pram. Straight out of the Leanne School of Slalom Baby Racing, Toyah would be advised to put stabilisers on the wheels if she doesn’t want Alfie to end up on the cobbles.