Our nights of trash TV are finally over
Bloodlands BBC1, Sunday
Crossfire BBC1, Tuesday-Thursday
Celebrity MasterChef: The
Final BBC1, Thursday
Strictly Come Dancing
Launch Show BBC1, Friday
The evenings are closing in, and there’s a bit of a nip in the air, but who cares – autumn television is back with a bang. You probably think I’m playing the world’s smallest violin, but the summer months are agony for reviewers. There’s wallto-wall sport, and endless repeats – and then 10 days of mourning for Queen Elizabeth knocked the schedules for six as The Queue became the biggest ratings hit for years.
At last, the drought is over (literally, after this week’s torrential rain). First out of the traps was the second series of BBC1’s Bloodlands, with James Nesbitt as PSNI Detective Chief Inspector Tom Brannick. We know Brannick is the former assassin called Goliath, but what we didn’t know is that when he killed two terrorists, he also stole the weapons and the gold bars they were smuggling.
The contraband was being minded by Brannick’s dodgy accountant, but as the second series opened, the accountant was found mursomeone dered. His widow, played with icy calm by Victoria Smurfit, knows about the gold too, and also seems to have a bit of prior with Brannick. Unfortunately for both, the secret stash has disappeared from the lock-up where it was stored, setting the scene nicely for another game of cat-and-mouse while none of the other police, except Detective Sergeant Niamh McGovern (the ever reliable Charlene McKenna), suspect that Brannick is a bent copper at all.
The delight of this show is the almost pantomime element of it all – you just want to keep shouting ‘he’s behind you’, or, more accurately, ‘he’s beside you’. It’s quite a dizzying tightrope act to maintain, but on the evidence of the first episode back, it will be at least as gripping as the first series.
Gripping too was Crossfire, which ran over three nights. Keeley Hawes starred as Jo, a former police officer on holiday with her family and a group of their friends in Tenerife. The hotel was attacked by two brothers who proceeded to massacre as many guests and staff as they could, but their motivation, a simple grievance over being sacked for theft, was hollow. Attacks on this scale usually are terrorist attacks, and it seemed like pulled their punches so as not to offend any particular political or faith group. The compensation came in the form of the effect on personal relationships. Jo and her husband’s oldest friend had been sexting each other and very likely were about to embark on a full-blown affair, an outcome rendered impossible when the man involved became one of the early victims while protecting his children. Jo teamed up with the hotel security guard as they hunted down the perpetrators, and there was a genuinely immersive sense of tension throughout. By the end, two of the extended group lay dead, but one you happily would have seen join them – Jo’s petty, cruel, coercive and ratty husband – somehow survived a three-storey fall from a balcony.
Writer Louise Doughty’s finest moments came in the exchanges she wrote for the women, one with Jo and her daughter, and the other between Jo and two friends who both had lost their husbands. What might easily have descended into a shouting match instead became a quietly impressive meditation on letting go of the past, no matter how traumatic, and just moving on with living. There was no suggestion everything was going to be fine, just the stoic acknowledgment that, well, let’s say ‘stuff’ instead of the usual word, happens and you have to deal with it. At the end, we saw Jo rejoin the police, and I suspect there is life in all these characters yet.
Lisa Snowdon has been on reality shows before, and I’ve always felt sympathy for her, because she seems so unsure of herself, even when she is acing every task. In the final of Celebrity MasterChef, she faced McFly musician Danny Jones and All Saints singer Melanie Blatt, and the standard was incredibly high. When Lisa won, her delight was palpable, as the tears of selfdoubt gave way to tears of joy; she deserved the confidence boost.
Talking of reality shows, Strictly returned on Friday night, with a few surprises up its sleeve. It was widely assumed that gay BBC Radio 2 DJ Richie Anderson would be paired with Johannes Radebe, who danced with John Whaite last year. Instead, Richie takes to the floor with last year’s winner, Giovanni Pernice. Surprisingly, there was a second same-sex partnership, as comedian Jayde Adams was teamed with Karen Hauer, which also promises a lot of fun.
At the time of writing, I hadn’t seen last night’s first proper show, but on the basis of the group dance on Friday, it seemed all but maybe Loose Women anchor Kay Adams at least have rhythm. Despite the fact I don’t really know what half of them actually do, it might prove an entertaining series after all.
Strictly really is the ultimate autumn show, bringing glitter and sparkle on the darkest nights, pointing all the way to Christmas. If BBC keeps up the standard it reached this week, not only will you be greatly entertained, but my life will be a great deal easier too.