Niamh Walsh’s Manifesto
The naked truth about Gwyneth as she turns 50
ACTRESS Gwyneth Paltrow has positioned herself as some sort of modern day Midas with a selfindulgent cover shoot to mark her half-a-century milestone.
Posing naked and slathered in gold spray paint, Paltrow told Vogue that she was in a good place as she turns 50.
‘I feel very happy and fulfilled and not scared and weirdly not freaked out by it,’ the founder of Goop [her wellness and lifestyle brand] said. ‘I’m so happy with wrinkles and my life.’
What a load of gobbledy-Goop. Gwyneth Paltrow was born into extreme privilege: her mother is actress Blythe Danner and her father is the late Bruce Paltrow, a film director and producer. Her godfather is multi-Oscar winner Steven Spielberg, so one could say that sometimes stars are very often born, not made.
With this I have no issue. One cannot determine the circumstances of one’s birth. Gwyneth can no more help it as another can help being born into a life of abject poverty. Nor should she have to apologise for being born into extreme privilege.
But she can be blamed for neglecting to credit this privilege as she poses stark naked with an enviable physique for a woman of any age and a complexion that, contrary to her utterances, is patently devoid of any lines and is demonstrably wrinkle-free.
Through her wealth and connections for the entirety of her existence, Gwyneth has had access to a battalion of beautymakers that have enabled her to reach 50 and look every inch a golden goddess.
She has chefs, cooks, childminders, personal trainers, stylists and unfettered access to the cream of the Hollywood beauty crop that, were she entirely honest, have all assisted her in reaching 50 looking as glorious as she does.
On her Goop website, Gwyneth hawks bizarre products and beauty treatments that are quite beyond the reach of the masses.
Her daily diet of pricey lotions and potions served on a silver platter are the very reason why Paltrow is as pretty as a picture.
Gwyneth’s latest naked pictures and accompanying hagiographical Vogue interview really just demonstrate that ‘there are no ugly people, just poor people’.
Even Quasimodo could conceivably be made over to look unconventionally handsome given even half of the helping hand that has contributed consideraby to Gwyneth’s golden look.
No sympathy for privileged royals
SPEAKING of privilege, a modern-day Shakespearian tragedy is playing out in Denmark, the nation state of the famed Prince Hamlet.
The royal court of Denmark is once again thrust into rivalry and rage as the Danish matriarch, Queen Margrethe, has decided to strip four of her eight grandchildren of their royal titles.
The official reason was to allow the children of her youngest son,
Prince Joachim, to live more normal lives.
For his part, Prince Joachim – evidently quite perturbed by his mother’s move – wailed against the injustice of her decision: ‘I can say that my children are sad. My kids don’t know which leg to stand on. What they should believe. Why should their identity be removed? Why must they be punished in that way?’
Given they are only to be deprived of a title and the bountiful entitlements of royal life, their pity is misplaced.
And as they wrestle with choosing which leg to lean on, it may behove them to consider standing on their own two feet, instead of being propped up by the crutch of extreme privilege.
Russians need to stand up to Putin
AS FINLAND emerges as the first European country to close its borders to Russians fleeing conscription, here in Ireland, as per usual, we are still dithering. Justice Minister Helen McEntee has said that we’ll wait to do what we’re told by our overlords in Brussels. I’m not blind to the fact that as EU members we are obliged to act in unison for the common good of the block. But when it comes to deciding to grant entry to people from a terrorist state, this should be an easy and swift unilateral decision.
While not all Russian citizens fleeing are ‘tourist refugees’, the fact is that Putin will only be defeated from the inside.
The men of military age running in their multitude from Moscow and beyond should be ashamed of themselves.
Before they pack their bags they should look to the women in Iran who, facing unjust persecution and threats of arrest and death, have chosen to stay and fight for freedom.
Rather than run and expect others to win a war of their country’s making, the Russians should stay and revolt instead of seeking freedom and sanctuary in a West they profess to detest.
Taking the lark out of Tayto Park
TAYTO Park is just up the road from my family home and, with much credit to the Coyle crisp clan, it has been transformed from an initially small funfair to what is gradually becoming a state-of-theart amusement park.
My two cousins had their first after-school jobs at Tayto Park and in terms of employment and general goodwill, the park is held in high esteem.
So I was much perturbed this week to see that Tayto Park had rebranded to Emerald Park.
While I imagine the name makes no difference to the park itself, it just seems like a cynical corporate ploy to capitalise on our international stereotypical reputation as a land of leprechauns. The Emerald Isle is all good for the serious suits of Bord Fáilte flying the corporate flag, but this renaming just takes the lark out of the park for me.
There’s no sense of mischief or fun and reminds me of the words of Dorothy in The Wizard Of Oz, who said on the way to Emerald City: ‘We’re not in Kansas any more.’ Similarly, we are not the land of little people any more and, St Patrick’s Day aside, we should be growing up as a nation instead of this merry-go-round of trading on fabled times and magical men.