MAYBE THE FOUR PINTS LAST NIGHT WASN’T A GOOD IDEA
MY task was clear – polish off a mammoth 22-inch breakfast roll and a box of chips inside 45 minutes.
It sounds daunting, but I was feeling pretty confident about it.
I’m 6ft 2in and really love my food.
and I took my preparation very seriously.
I skipped dinner the night before and downed four pints of Guinness without resorting to the chipper on the way home.
Just the right side of hungover, and quite hungry now, I stepped up to the oversized plate at Pip’s Café & Deli determined to at least get through half of their ginormous 22-inch jumbo roll.
Just two others had managed to complete the challenge over the past year. this was a chance to write myself into the breakfast roll history book, which I admit I have no idea even exists.
Regardless, my eyes were firmly on the culinary prize as I was escorted to the challenger’s table.
Chef Emma Wade gave me two bottles of water and a mug of tea to help wash down the heartattack-inducing behemoth before me. she also helpfully advised me to leave the bread and chips until last, so I wouldn’t fill up too early.
00:00
On the stroke of 11am, the claxon sounds and I race off to a quick start.
3:45
three sausages, two rashers, a hash brown, black pudding and an egg later, I’m still feeling good. the Guinness the night before was a stroke of genius, I tell myself.
6:32
I encounter my first food bump. I feel the first droplets of meat sweats on my brow. time for a water break. I’m wilting a bit, admittedly, but determined to go on.
13:47
Rehydrated, I discover a new lease of life. I tuck into a few more sausages, black pudding, plus the bacon and eggs...
15:21
…but the bread, beans and spicy white pudding are slowing me down.
17:33
the meat sweats have gone into overdrive. I feel my stomach churn. the initial comfort eating of the early stages feels like a long time ago.
19:55
I hit the breakfast wall. My stomach feels twice the size, even breathing is becoming difficult. Maybe the Guinness wasn’t such a good idea…
22:20
In desperation, I attempt to fold a corner of this enormous sandwich to make it easier to eat. but unfortunately it doesn’t work. and this has become uncomfortable to the point that I no longer care.
26:04
My race is run. I throw in the towel – or in this case a white hanky – with what grace I can. I’ve managed to make my way through a third of the giant jumbo roll. More than 24 hours pass before I feel the need to eat again.