Power E of the word

person’s emotional state and often mirror their behaviour as a result.

Although emotional empathy is normally an unconscious process, we can direct our conscious mind to it by becoming more self-aware of it in ourselves and others.

I have always believed that positive emotional empathy must be the bedrock on which we build really strong, vibrant social connections with each other. But positive empathy bonds, essential in themselves, are regularly insufficient to assist those in difficult situations.

There is also a significant risk that if we only focus on emotional empathy, we might burn out quite quickly. This is because during such empathy experiences and interactions, we are using up significant emotional reserves. This is the basis of compassion fatigue, so innate to those working in the medical, nursing and psychotherapy fields in particular.

COGNITIVE EMPATHY

This is where we have initially developed a positive emotional empathy bond with a person, but then progress to consciously identifying and understanding their feelings.

For this reason, it is often called ‘perspective-taking’. This also frequently involves exploring more of the cognitive and behavioural aspects of these feelings or emotions or even becoming involved in a joint problem-solving cognitive interaction.

Different parts of our brain are involved in cognitive versus emotional empathy, those more connected with problem-solving. Cognitive empathy is seen as a more deliberate, thought-out process, and one therefore that is more open to being learned and practised as a skill.

This is the form of empathy that allows doctors, nurses and therapists to assist those in distress, while keeping their own responses in perspective.

This suggests that cognitive empathy involves putting a little space between the person and how their emotions have affected you, and in practice this is the case.

What is happening in such situations is that a positive emotional empathy bond has already been set up, so both parties are instinctively now trusting that the other understands where they are at from an emotional perspective.

This allows a more practical perspective-taking approach to take shape and this can greatly increase the total empathy bond between them.

Be wary, however, of simply trying to adapt this form of empathy, without firstly creating the emotional bond. Otherwise you may seem cold and non-validating to the person you are trying to assist, even if doing so with the best of intentions.

COMPASSION

This is best described as empathy in action. We have picked up emotionally on someone’s feelings, consciously tried to identify them and as a result find ourselves moved to do something to assist them.

A simple example might be where we encounter somebody homeless and feel an initial emotional empathy bond, cognitively take perspective on where they are at, and then respond with some practical steps to assist them. Good emotional and cognitive empathy skills will allow you to navigate your social world with greater ease. We spend our lives in the presence of others, whether at home, work or in leisure activities.

Struggling to sense where people are at from an emotional point of view makes these social interactions more challenging.

You may also lose out on potential life-enhancing riches garnered by strong positive empathy bonds.

Lack of empathy skills can be damaging and explains why some of us may struggle to be sensitive to the feelings of others, often riding roughshod over them. If you become more empathetic, however, you will observe yourself becoming more tolerant and sensitive to the feelings of others, more fulfilled in your everyday life and able to resolve social and working relationship problems more easily.

All hallmarks of a great emotional connector.