Roy’s worst nightmare

CORONATION STREET

Here’s another fine mess Roy’s got himself into — someone who’s been posing as Lauren’s mother admits it’s a lie. Her name is Alice, and when Roy tries to stop her filming him she stumbles and bangs her head, accusing him of assault. Assault with what, pray? A shopping bag? His day gets worse when he’s charged with murdering Lauren and finds himself alone in a cell.

Can all this become any more ludicrous? It’s tough to prove a murder has taken place without a body, but it can be done with that one crucial thing — evidence. With advances in forensic science

and delving into someone’s internet search history, a case can be built. What would they have found on Roy’s computer if, indeed, he even has one? The history of the Weatherfield Railway Line? Boris Spassky’s 50 best chess games? Ebay searches trying to track down Hayley’s red mac? Soapland’s coppers have come up with some dumb theories in their time, but DS Swain doesn’t so much take the biscuit as the entire McVitie’s production line. Where did she train? With PC Potter in Trumpton?

Crime is high on the agenda as Liam gets ready for court and Dylan encourages him to do a runner. If I were Liam I’d grab the chance, if only to escape Maria’s incessant whining. Does she never shut up? Locate her off switch, please.

Leanne looks as if she’s heading down a dangerous path too, having been won over by Rowan and his dodgy philosophising with the Autovalent Institute. When Nick catches her with her eyes closed, she explains she’s ‘reality coding’

Roy and Evelyn come face to face with trickster Alice, who stumbles and bangs her head in an attempt to eliminate the unexpected. Let’s see how that works when Rowan unexpectedly empties her bank account, which is what Toyah fears might happen. Fair play, he is very cute. Where do I sign?