If you have an imaginary friend... LET THEM WATCH THIS
IF
Cert: PG, 1hr 44mins ★★★★★
Two Tickets To Greece Cert: TBC, 1hr 50mins ★★★★★
Bermondsey Tales: Fall Of The Roman Empire
Cert: 18, 1hr 39mins ★★★★★
Cert: 18, 2hrs 6mins ★★★★★
Common sense would suggest IF should have been a Pixar picture. After all, the now Disney-owned animation company has given us toys that come to life when humans aren’t around (Toy Story), monsters from children’s nightmares that turn out to be real (Monsters, Inc.) and emotions given substance and personality as they rush around the mind of a little girl who’s growing up (Inside Out).
So perfect, surely, to make a film about imaginary friends that mope around the world, unseen, once the little boy or girl who was once their devoted companion has grown up and forgotten all about them.
But apparently not: instead IF is made by John Krasinski, the actor and film-maker best known for the American version of The Office, the Quiet Place films and being married to Emily Blunt.
And perhaps for the first time in his hitherto charmed career, he comes unstuck.
From a title that immediately has you thinking, ‘Really, nothing better?’ (IF apparently stands for Imaginary Friend) very little hits the intended targets.
It’s not funny enough, it’s not charming enough and the vital internal logic, the stuff that makes this sort of high-concept fantasy make some sort of sense, is all over the place.
It’s no wonder that Krasinski – who writes, directs and costars – gets in such a tangle as he searches for a happy ending.
It’s not a complete disaster. Cailey Fleming has a pleasing intensity as 12-year-old Bea, who has already lost one parent and might be about to lose the other and, in her emotional turmoil starts seeing forgotten imaginary friends all over the place.
Hoard
And lots of Krasinski’s A-list pals chip in to provide the voices of, er, minor ‘IFs’. Matt Damon, George Clooney, Bradley Cooper and Blunt herself contribute.
But it’s not enough, despite the work put in by Michael Giacchino’s score to convince otherwise. Maybe send your imaginary friend along instead.
With a title like Two Tickets To Greece and a cast list seemingly led by Kristin Scott Thomas, the unwary might think, ‘Ooh, how lovely, sounds a bit like Shirley Valentine.’ And to a certain extent that’s true. But be aware, this is a French-language film with the bilingual Scott Thomas playing an important but secondary role.
It is, however, undeniably a bit like Shirley Valentine, with uptight divorcee Blandine (Olivia Cote) reluctantly heading to the Greek islands with her exhaustingly ‘larger than life’ former best friend from school, Magalie (Laure Calamy). The pair haven’t seen each other for years and – reunited by Blandine’s wellintentioned son – now seem like chalk and cheese. But, nevertheless, they are going on holiday together because that’s how this sort of film works.
Scott Thomas takes an age to appear, the screenplay feels clumsily contrived, and the character of Magalie often slips from ‘bubbly’ to ‘downright irritating’. Bermondsey Tales: Fall Of The Roman Empire, starring John Hannah, is like a pastiche of every London gangster geezer film you’ve ever seen, from The Long Good Friday – via Sexy Beast, Layer Cake and Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels – to all those ones starring Craig Fairbrass.
It’s clearly been a labour of love for Michael Head, who writes, directs and co-stars, but the overelaborate screenplay is a right old tangle and he’s given himself far too many characters to convincingly fit in. The result looks and sounds like it may have been more fun to make than it is to watch.
Luna Carmoon’s debut feature, Hoard, is an even tougher watch. Maria (Saura Lightfoot-Leon) seems to have thrived in the care of her foster mother and is about to leave school, but slowly she slips into the same patterns of behaviour – hoarding, rubbish gathering, not washing – that ruined her birth mother’s life.
The messy, semi-erotic, sadomasochistic physical fights she has with her older foster brother further cloud the already murky creative waters.