I will find you and I will tran­quilise you

The Irish Times - Friday - The Ticket - - FILM - DON­ALD CLARKE


Di­rected by McG. Star­ring Kevin Cost­ner, Hailee Ste­in­feld, Am­ber Heard, Con­nie Nielsen, To­mas Le­mar­quis, Richard Sam­mel 12A cert, 117 min

Ah, McG. Your films are as mag­nif­i­cent as your name is long. There is fur­ther wor­ry­ing news in the cred­its to this tonally be­fud­dled Fran­coAmer­i­can thriller. With Luc Bes­son as pro­ducer and co-writer, we can be cer­tain that no ef­fort will be spared to strain the au­di­ence’s credulity and stretch its tol­er­ance for vul­gar­ity.

An un­likely mix of Un­cle Buck and The Bourne Stu­pid­ity, 3 Days to Kill stars Kevin Cost­ner – wear­ing, it seems, ex­actly the same gar­ments he wore in Field of Dreams – as a CIA as­sas­sin given just a few months to live. He re­turns home to Paris (just run with this, okay?) and at­tempts to build bridges with his es­tranged wife (Con­nie Nielsen) and mildly er­rant daugh­ter (the ubiq­ui­tous Hailee Ste­in­feld).

But what’s this? A glam­orous for­mer col­league (Am­ber Heard) is here with an “ex­per­i­men­tal treat­ment” that may give Cost­ner a few more weeks to live. There are down­sides. He must emerge from re­tire­ment for one last job. Also, the drug in­duces hal­lu­ci­na­tions that can only be cured by a swift shot of vodka (please stay with us for an­other sen­tence or so).

Cost­ner was surely hop­ing for the same boost that the Bes­son-pro­duced Taken pro­vided for Liam Nee­son. Un­for­tu­nately, 3 Days is so wildly undis­ci­plined – fam­ily hu­mour one minute, mass slaugh­ter the next – that no sat­is­fac­tory rhythm is ever es­tab­lished. It’s also too long, too ugly and too con­trived.

Take it away, garçon. It’s off.

Taken? Take it back, Kev

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