When parents separate: ‘I am a weekend father and I have to come to accept that – it’s a hard pill to swallow’
One regret The one regret he has is that they didn’t both do “parenting when separated” courses earlier as he found once they did, “everything calmed down”.
He did his with One Family and found it “really effective”. Not only does it give you strategies but it takes you out of the conflict “bubble”, he adds.
Another father of two, Fintan, had an overwhelming sense of failure when his marriage of 20 years ended extremely acrimoniously. He still gets upset talking about what he went through.
They had grown apart as his wife was very social, enjoying nights out, while he Crisis Meanwhile, the older boy took his mother’s side and the younger boy was acting out whenever he was with his father. Fintan sought help with his parenting at One Family and, more than five years later, still attends regularly, finding it a huge support both as a father and personally. “You can’t do the best for your children unless you’re right,” he points out.
Like most people in a crisis, he found out who his friends were and one has been his constant “go to” throughout. Fintan also recommends finding hobbies to occupy your mind and to get you out of the house.
The couple reached a divorce agreement four years ago that cost them ¤20,000 each in legal fees but both of them, he says, were satisfied with the outcome.
It was two years before he started dating again but he believes another long-term relationship is unlikely. “I never want to get married again because I never want to go through that pain again and I don’t want any more children.”
However, four years after their divorce, he and his former wife have gone a full circle and become friends again, enjoying a supportive, co-parenting relationship. “I still love her, she is the mother of my children.
“The marriage was great,” he adds, “it just didn’t work out”.