AUTISM TOLERANCE PLEA
A Sligo mother has urged people to be more tolerant of those with special needs after she was allegedly approached in a local restaurant and told to keep her children quiet by a fellow patron.
The woman, who wishes to stay anonymous, was left embarrassed when even after explaining that her child had autism, the individual then told her ‘maybe you should stay at home instead.’
The woman brought her four children out for dinner one evening last week as a treat.
She explained to The Sligo Champion: “We had a lovely time. They were a little noisy, but by my kids’ standards it wasn’t too bad. My eldest took one of his brothers to the toilet and as he went away a woman came over. She said ‘you have to keep your children quiet’. She completely threw me. She said it again and added ‘ there are people trying to eat here.
“I said ‘I’m really sorry buy my child here has special needs, he’s got autism’. She just looked at me, and she said ‘ then maybe you should stay at home so the rest of us can eat in peace’.”
The woman said she always makes sure to tell people sitting close-by in a restaurant that her child has autism, so that they will understand the behaviour.
“I’m so open about it because I’ve had the looks, I’ve had the stares to the point that I used to joke that I should get a tshirt that says ‘my child has autism, what’s your excuse?’
She was left mortified by the incident, and ended up rushing the meal so that the family could leave.
She added: “Everyone working in the restaurant was really nice, they told me that we’re always welcome and not to leave on account of the other customer. They never made her apologise or anything, though.
“You go into hospitals and they have signs up that explain a no tolerance policy regarding abuse or discrimination, and really we were discriminated against that day, by a customer. Even though they were being polite, I was left leaving as if I had done something.
“I have never had an experience like that before. I always think I’m getting stares but it’s unusual that someone would be that rude.
“I have four kids. I’m separated. It was a really big treat for me to take my kids out for dinner, everything was going so well and at the last minute, it was ruined.”
Her life is almost consumed with caring for her autistic son. She has limited time to herself.
“The autism from one child knocks on to the rest of the family. I spend the days that I’m not working completely in a spin. I don’t have time to have a shower in the morning. If you’ve got a child with autism, I can’t leave him to have a shower. If I do, everything is wrecked or he has hit someone or he’s drawn on the walls. It’s not a safe situation.”
To avoid the stares, she will always be open about her son’s autism so that people will not judge her.
It’s something that feels she shouldn’t have to do, but in order to avoid scenarios like in the restaurant, she does.
“I shouldn’t have to do but I think of other people. If I went in and someone was sitting there throwing stuff I would then be thinking that might hurt my child.
“A child with autism can act unpredictably, if he goes to run I might have to run after him. For everyone’s safety I feel it’s better to explain it. People can be very judgemental.”
Finding childcare for her son has been difficult, while the summer months too were tough as she struggled to find something for him to do.
“I can’t go to mass because I can’t take him into a church. People don’t want to provide childcare for a child who has got autism. It’s very hard. It’s taken me a while to find someone.
“The only thing he was offered for the whole of the summer was with the Autism services who offered a week where there was an hour a day, in the middle of the day, one hour of yoga. That was all.”
She has had to limit her own activities when she has her children as she does not want to stress out her autistic son, while she feels her other children also suffer because they too are limited in what they can do.
“I don’t do the shopping when I have the kids. I schedule anything I can during the time they’re not with me because I know it will stress him out. I plan activities that I think I can do. I can’t park in disabled parking spaces because the criteria for getting the sticker, he doesn’t meet the criteria because he can walk. The fact that he would run under a bus if I didn’t grab him is immaterial. All these things that sound simple would really help.
“I have to focus my attention on him. When we go out I do have to tell them to tell me if he looks like he’s going to run. It’s given them extra responsibility, which a lot of kids have had. It means they miss out, there are certain things we can’t do.
“There’s a funfair, we can’t do that. If there was some services, if there was someone for an hour who could walk him around while I went with the kids. Something like that.”