Mum charts a ten year chapter of her life
AINE O’BOYLE SPEAKS TO A MOTHER OF THREE WHO HAS PENNED A TOUCHING STORY BORNE OUT OF HER FRUSTRATION IN DEALING WITH THE DIFFICULTIES BROUGHT HER WAY THROUGH CARING FOR HER SON
It’s a book about a struggle and Leitrim-based mother of three, Faye Hayden, feels it is a story which will resonnate with many as she relates her life as a parent and carer to a child with special needs.
‘Bedtime Stories for Mother and Others’ will be introduced at 2pm in The Reading Room, Carrick-on-Shannon on Saturday, January 18th.
The book is inspired by her life as a carer to her autistic son, Patrick.
“This time last year, things started to get too difficult with the situation with Patrick and I had to give up my job, and I was struggling with my own mental health to be honest,” said Faye.
“So I started just doing a little bit of writing and really it was just for my own mental health.”
Faye first started off writing a blog and shortly after seeing a Facebook post that said, “there’s ten weeks left until the end of the decade, do something that counts”, she decided to publish her writing.
Faye’s debut book however is not a children’s book, it is a collection of short chapters humorously chronicling her own ten year challenge, including her young son’s diagnosis with Autism and ADHD and the way it has impacted the lives of her family.
Always looking for light when facing the darkest of days. Faye uses humour to tell the tale of the ups and downs of her own life, and hopes readers can all connect with her story as they navigate their own bumpy roads of life.
Faye moved from Wales to Leitrim in 2002 to work for MBNA in Carrick-on-Shannon and after meeting her husband Mick, settled in Annaduff and had three children and a menagerie of animals.
After redundancy from MBNA, she changed careers and Faye worked as Fundraising Manager for local charity, Sligo Social Services, from 2016.
Faye gave up that job in 2019 to become a full time carer to her son, Patrick.
She started writing to keep her mental health in check. and to sort out the jumble of emotions she felt about life as a parent of a child with Special Needs.
A few scribbles quickly became and 40,000 words and so began her Blog and debut book.
In addition to her upcoming children’s book, Faye is also working on Volume 2 of ‘Bedtime Stories for Mothers and Others‘.
Faye is an advocate for people with Disabilities and runs 3 youth and social clubs in Leitrim for people with Autism and other Special Needs, which are attended by people from Leitrim, Roscommon, Sligo. Cavan and Longford.
For years, Faye and her family have been trying to little avail to get Patrick the care he required, and with much of Faye’s time being taken up lobbying the HSE and Tusla and attending appointments with her three children, writing the book served as a means for her to look after her own mental health.
Faye also spends much of her time advocating for the improvement of services and care for those with special needs and hopes that the book will shed some more light on the struggles she has gone through with her family.
“I am a bit of an advocate because we have had an absolutely horrendous experience for the last six years and I am determined that nobody else is going to have that experience,
“I am trying my best to try to find ways for the HSE, for TUSLA and for all the different agencies to try to bring about change because the system is very, very broken.” she said.
One of the main challenges faced by Faye and her family was that Patrick, now 11-years-old, wasn’t diagnosed until he was nine.
“It is my opinion that he should have been diagnosed earlier.” she said.
“We’ve been working with the HSE since 2013 when Patrick’s behaviour first became challenging and violent when he was five,”
According to Faye, the Sligo/Leitrim services are lacking the necessary staff and psychologists to work with children like Patrick.
“We had to fight and fight and fight to get support,” she said.
On February 11 th last year, things reached a boiling point for Faye, she said: “Patrick had self-harmed so badly the day before that we went up to Sligo and I took my sleeping bag and pyjamas and I refused to leave until they organised something for us.”
The day after this Faye also spoke to radio presenter Joe Duffy on Liveline about her experience.
The family then began working more closely with the HSE, receiving various services and interventions, many of which have since been pulled, exacerbating the situation further.
“The people working on the frontlines, the doctors, the nurses, they are doing their absolute best,” she said.
“We’ve worked with some amazing professionals, but there’s still a huge gap and this is why we are dealing with the ombudsman for children.
According to Faye there are many other families out there in a situations like this, which is why she decided to write the book and give them a voice.
“I’ve had lots of parents in similar situations contact me and say, ‘ this is spot on’, ‘ thanks for speaking up’ and that sort of thing,” she said.
Even for those that have not gone through the same experiences as Faye and her family, the book serves as a means to connect with people.
“Everyone has had tough times in their life.” said Faye.
The book serves as a way for Faye to speak openly and honestly about her experiences in caring for a child with autism.
“My son is very aggressive,” she said.
“He is the kindest, sweetest boy you’ ll ever meet but when he goes into one of his meltdowns it’s very, very difficult.
“Sometimes it’s difficult to separate the way you feel about the situation from the way you feel about the child and I have to work really hard at that.”
Her book, ‘Bedtime Stories for Mothers and Others’ can be purchased in Liber bookshop on O’Connell Street, The Reading Room, Carrick-on-Shannon, in Mulveys House of Gifts and Knickety Knack, Dromod, copies are also available online on Amazon.
I AM TRYING MY BEST TO TRY TO FIND WAYS FOR THE HSE, FOR TUSLA AND FOR ALL THE DIFFERENT AGENCIES TO TRY TO BRING ABOUT CHANGE BECAUSE THE SYSTEM IS VERY, VERY BROKEN