I’m just not able for this outdoor stadium rock gig carry on any more

A REQUEST FOR A G&T WAS MET WITH DERISION. CANS OF PROSECCO?? I HAVE SOME STANDARDS. I KNEW I SHOULD’VE BROUGHT A NAGGIN!

I’VE learnt a couple of things about myself this week the first being my days of big stadium concerts are well and truly over! How did I actually think a woman of my age would navigate the toilet situation of an outdoor arena gig without peeing my pants ????

I didn’t pee my pants, just so you know, but I very nearly did…… on several occasions. Cans of cider are not my friend. A request for a G & T was met with derision. ‘No gin and tonics love…. but we have cans of prosecco’ the bar man informed me. Cans of Prosecco?? I have some standards. I knew I should’ve brought a naggin!

As a result I spent the vast majority of the Ed Sheeran concert queuing for the loo with lots of inebriated younger models whose bladders would be much stronger than mine and should’ve really given way to us geriatrics. Age before beauty and all that.

I had opted for pitch tickets. ‘The pitch is the only place to be – much better craic,’ I insisted. Yes this is probably true……. if you’re 20 years old, have the constitution of an ox and don’t mind being pushed and shoved.

I did mind being pushed and shoved. Very much. I also minded every gobshite in front of me holding their phones aloft to video the entire thing, resulting in short arses like myself unable to see so much as Ed Sheeran’s foot.

A dodgy hot dog and an even dodgier burrito were consumed and it was touch and go there for a while as to whether the toilet situation would become an emergency. Could you imagine how horrific that would have been? Mind you it would have been one way of clearing the queue.

Then there was the transport which in our case was a bus. Oh. My. God. I’ve forgotten how much I hate buses. As soon as I got on, memories of Sunday nights going back to college with a hangover on a rickety old bus came to mind.

As bad as it was getting there – desperate crossing of legs to prevent an accident, coming back was even worse when the girl sitting opposite me decided she was sick. She asked the bus driver to stop. The bus driver asked her was it alcohol related?!

He then handed her a white bin bag into which she puked the whole way home.

I like Ed Sheeran, I really do but considering I didn’t even catch a glimpse of him, it would have been so much easier to have stayed at home, poured myself a gin and tonic in a proper glass and listened to him on Spotify.

On a positive note The Teenager enjoyed himself immensely. ‘Will we go to Slane?’ he asked enthusiastically on the way home.

I would rather attend 7 a.m. mass daily for a month.