I wish I’d never wanted them to go back to school, oh the strain...
WE COBBLED TOGETHER ABOUT 8 SENTENCES, WHICH TOOK A FULL HOUR AND REQUIRED A STIFF GIN AND TONIC AFTERWARDS
THE Youngest came out of school the other day doing a pretty good impression of The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
As she reached the car, she pitched forward and gasped, ‘take the bag,’ pointing at her back. I went to take the school bag and staggered backwards with the weight of it.
‘Jesus Mary and Joseph! What have you got in here? A body??’ Que eye roll. ‘Nooooooooo…..that’s my homework.’
I heaved the bag into the boot, sweatin’ buckets an thought to myself, ‘ well the honeymoon period didn’t last very long.’
And I know you’re all going to say, ‘A couple of weeks ago she was moaning because she couldn’t wait for them to go back to school, now she’s moaning because they ARE back!’ But if I tell you that I weighed the bag when we got home, out of curiosity and it weighed 5 and a half stone, would you think I was somewhat justified in giving out?
Five and a half stone on your back, every day, that’s like carrying a not so small child to school. I don’t remember ever having that heavy a bag going to school. We all had those green army bags that held a few books and copies, your pencil case and your sambos wrapped in tin foil. That’s all we needed.
And as for homework……. well all I can say is I’m a broken woman! I get an exemption for maths because Himself knows I can’t add 2 + 2, but French, Irish, English, History and Home Ec all fall to me to supervise.
Her second day back and she was told to right a speech in Irish about the dangers of mobile phones. The word mobile phone didn’t even exist when I was in school! How do you even source the vocabulary for this when you haven’t a book to work from? We cobbled together about 8 sentences, which took a full hour and required a stiff gin and tonic afterwards. Not our finest moment.
Then there was the full page of questions on Romeo and Juliet which took all of Sunday afternoon when we should have been enjoying ourselves at a local fair. Not to mention the litany of questions on nutrients for the elderly and infirm and the drawing of a map of colonisation of the world in 1650.
If this is the beginning of second year, what will it be like next year? Can you leave school before you do your Junior Cert? I’m sure I could get her a job. She’s smart and follows instructions well, she likes animals and old people and is a great little cook, (God knows where she gets that from?)
Even if she does survive the 5 and a half stone bag, mountains of homework and Junior Cert exams, I’m not sure I will!