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Always go high
Michelle Obama shares ways to get through uncertainty in ‘The Light We Carry’
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On the outside, Michelle Obama has it all – perfect hair, fantastic clothes, a megawatt smile, lucrative book deals, good-looking kids, and an attentive husband. Yet, sometimes she feels confused, scared, and unsure of her future. A global pandemic, a nation consumed by racial inequality, an insurrection at the Capitol, and the threatened end of women’s reproductive rights throws even the former first lady out of balance.
In her second book, The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times, Obama shares techniques for getting through periods of anxiety.
Obama’s self-help messages are especially relatable to me because our backgrounds are so similar. We both grew up with parents and grandparents who experienced racism but still pushed their children to excel. She speaks to women who are trying to please their families, fit in at work, and are obsessive list-makers. She also gives some perspective to those who fear failure or worry that being true to themselves – by doing something like wearing braids in the White House – could risk their jobs, their relationships, and the respect they’ve worked so hard to gain.
In The Light We Carry, Obama shares ideas for quelling what roils our stomachs and ways to move forward. She’s like a big sister whispering in my ear, “You are enough.” And I believe her.
Here are a few gems I gleaned from The Light We Carry.
Claim small victories: During the pandemic, Obama learned to knit. With each hat, scarf and pair of socks she completed, she felt accomplished. Her mind quieted, and her confidence grew. “I’ve come to understand that sometimes the big stuff becomes easier to handle when you deliberately put something small alongside it,” Obama writes.
Practice to get past fear: When you are not prepared, “your fearful mind tries to seize the steering wheel and change course,” Obama writes. She suggests taking the time to do the work so that when it’s time to shine, you can tap into well-developed skills. Being prepared, she writes, is important. “The more you practice, the better you get at it. Each leap I’ve taken has only made the next leap easier,” she advises.
Find balance: I feel nervous and icky when I’ve spent too many days on a deadline, without giving myself the time to take a walk, load the dishwasher or go for a swim. “I’ve learned to recognize and appreciate balance. Take note of the moments when I feel the steadiest, most focused, most clear and to think analytically
about what’s helped me to get to that place,” Obama writes, helpfully.,
Express your needs: When we don’t express our hopes and dreams, we cheat ourselves from getting what we need and want – whether it’s starting a business or a family. Obama states: “It’s about learning to shelter your flame without hiding its light. The challenge in leading a big life becomes trying to find ways to protect your dreams and your drive, to remain tough without being overly guarded, to stay nimble and open to growth, allowing others to see you for who you are.”
Always go high: When Obama gave her famous “When they go low, we go high” speech at the 2016 Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, she was tired
after nearly eight years of seeing her husband’s work undermined and his character denigrated. But instead of launching into silly tit-for-tats with her adversaries, she ignored the drama. “Going high,” she writes, “is about resisting the temptation to participate in shallow fury and corrosive contempt, instead of figuring out how to respond with a clear voice to whatever is shallow and corrosive around you.” It is, she says, a commitment to showing your children, your friends and your community what it looks like to live and operate with decency.”
So should you always go high? “Yes,” Obama writes. “Always yes.”