The essence of a selfie

All selfies are photos. Not all photos are selfies. This distinction is lost on many – including brands on Twitter, television news anchors, your parents, and let’s be real, newspapers – which have used the word “selfie” to describe group photos, buildings, scenery and more. It’s time to clear up what exactly a selfie is.

I held a camera and took a photo of myself.

That is a selfie.

I took a photo of myself and two friends.

That is a selfie. Also called a groupie.

I set the self–timer on a camera, stepped back 5 feet, and it took my photo.

That’s in the selfie family, but isn’t a pure selfie. Consider it a self–portrait.

I took a photo of a slice of pizza and called it a “pizza selfie.”

Are you in the photo with the pizza?

No, it is just of the pizza.

Not a selfie.

I took a photo of a photo of myself.

That is a photo of a photo of yourself.

I used a selfie stick to take a photograph of myself.

That is a selfie.

I used a 300–foot selfie stick to take a photograph of myself, but because of the distance, I am barely visible in the photo.

That is still a selfie.

I used a 300–foot selfie stick to take a photograph of myself, but before the camera went off, a migrating trumpeter swan grabbed the camera, somehow aimed it at me, and tapped the

shutter. The bird took a photo of you. Not a selfie.

The bird also took a photo of itself.

Then the bird also took a selfie.

I swallowed a camera that is programmed to take a photograph every time I breathe.

Is that safe? Please check with a doctor.

But it is taking my selfies.

No, it is not. Remember when your grandma took a photo of you with your iPhone, and half her finger covered the lens? Your grandma did not take a selfie, even though part of her body was visible in the photo.

Oh, but there was that time my grandma turned the camera on herself, and the photo was 75 percent her finger 25 percent her face.

and The photo is of the photographer, who is holding the camera. That is a selfie, though not a very good one. MONICA CARTER of Chicago takes a selfie in front of the “Levitated Mass” sculpture at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art last May.

I took a photo of myself inside the Large Hadron Collider.

Now that is a great selfie.

I called it a “matter selfie.”

Sure.

I took a photo of the Hadron Collider without me in it, and called it a “matter selfie” because I am matter, and the camera is matter, and the Hadron Collider is matter.

Not a selfie.

But the selfie is matter, too.

If all photos of matter were selfies, then all photos would be selfies. But they are different words because they are distinct things.

What is the self, anyway?

It is the identifiable subject of a selfie.

I took a photo of my soul mate as she gazed into my eyes. We feel we are one. We are the same person, the same self.

Great. Not a selfie.

I took a photo of myself during an existential crisis. My life has no value; my self is vacant.

Still a selfie.

I took a photo of a millennial.

Not a selfie.

Jason Feifer is deputy editor of ‘Maxim.’