“DEAR SON” THREE GOOD PIECES OF ADVICE I WOULDN’T DARE GIVE MY TEENAGE SON

Lately, I just cannot ignore the creature with zits and a moustache that’s been lounging around my living room. This half-child half-adult seems to be afflicted with near-constant internal conflict. As a parent, I watch him fearfully, knowing full well that even if I were to give him the best advice in the world, half of him (whether the child or the grown-up) would be furiously opposed to it. Because I love him so much and want to help, I feel compelled to share with him some of the existential insights I’ve accumulated in my 53 years. Still, since my beloved progeny is brimming with anger and hormones, and could blow up at me at any moment, I will follow my survival instinct and publish the advice overseas, in a foreign language, so that he never encounters it.

1. Try to learn how to be happy

I know that at school they’re always talking about achievements and success, but ultimately, even if you grow up to be rich and successful, it will in no way ensure that you’re not miserable. And given that life is a game in which everyone, without exception, loses in the end, the only meaningful accomplishment you can really be proud of in your old age is that, despite all the confusion and dread, you somehow managed to enjoy this precarious existence. 2. With all due respect to reality, computer screens are just as awesome It’s true that I’m always asking you to spend less time on the computer. But that’s just because I’m envious. When I was your age, the most sophisticated game on the planet was called Space Invaders and it was dumber than the screensaver on your phone. The thing is, forget about solo games: you should always play with friends. The internet long ago turned into the greatest neighbourhood playground. And, as always, a good game is mostly an excuse to spend time and share experiences with other people.

3. Last but not least: stop listening to us!

Mum and I have perfected the grown-up art of looking like we have a clue what we’re talking about. But it’s just a trick, and very soon, when you’re a little older, you will also learn how to put on an understanding, confident face, while inside your heart keeps pounding in terror.

Etgar Keret (1967, Israel) is an author of short stories and graphic novels, a scriptwriter and a film director. His latest book is Fly Already, published in Italy by Feltrinelli. ©2021, Etgar Keret. Translation by Jessica Cohen.