Sexual shenanigans

Let every eye negotiate for itself And trust no agent,

For beauty is a witch

Against whose charms

Faith melted in blood.

Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing, II, 1

Beauty can be a witch that leads men down the path of unrighteousness. Having your partner indulge in outside sex must rank as one of the most emotionally terrible fates that can befall someone, especially a man. I say man because most men don’t seem to cope too well or deal with that scenario. I’m not saying that women aren’t affected also, as some do get absolutely distraught, but they often tend to recover after a while.

Men, on the other hand, take it to another level when they find out that their woman gave away her prized possession to another man. I said her prized possession as it’s hers, even though some men try to claim joint ownership and think that it’s also theirs.

Wise up, man, it’s not yours, it’s only your turn. Still, it’s often devastating when a man’s woman strays, and from the dawn of time men have tried, with little success, to protect their ‘property’ and prevent their woman from sharing her goodies with another man.

They locked away their wives at home, only to have the mailman, gardener or neighbour pop in for pleasure. Some men even constructed chastity belts made of leather and metal with a sturdy lock, only to have the village locksmith tinker with his tools to open the portals of pleasure. Many great men — kings, presidents, prime ministers and others — have had their women stray. But why, why would a woman who seemingly has everything that she desires, have sex with another man?

What’s behind all this, what are the incentives? We’re going to find out right after these responses to ‘Platonic partners’.

Hi tony,

In my very young days I had a very good female friend who I was close to and had a platonic relationship. I would borrow her car at times or she would pick me up to go partying where we would mingle separately. While she was attractive, there was never any thought of a sexual relationship, but I must admit that had she come on to me, I would be all over her in a New York minute. After marriage a platonic relationship would not work for either me or my wife. I would be too jealous, but she more so than me, as she has proved.

Roberto

Hello tony, Platonic relationships only work when one partner is totally off the opposite sex. I know gay men who have platonic female partners, only because they have no interest in women. But as long as the man is heterosexual, that platonic relationship is a sham. He’s simply good at masking and suppressing his true sexual feelings, that’s all. Just let the woman give him that come hither look and see how quickly he’s all over her. Platonic relationships are based on hypocrisy, mostly on the man’s part.

Sheila

People have always strayed sexually, it’s the way of the world, the habit of mankind, the modus operandi of men and women who have wandering eyes. It’s what people do. That’s the way it is and that’s how it will be as long as mankind exists. All that you can do is hope that it doesn’t catch you, for as the old-timers used to say, “It hot, but hush.” From way back in medieval times, there was even a name given to a man who had been sexually wronged a cuckold

— based on the habits of the cuckoo bird that often invades and takes over the nest of other birds, claiming it as its own.

It’s a term that’s used derisively, in the very same way that we say that a man gets ‘bun’ from his woman. What’s ironic is that it’s often men who are extremely jealous who get cuckolded.

“Oh beware, my lord, of jealousy, it is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on. The cuckold lives in bliss, who certain of his faith, loves not his wronger.” That’s from Shakespeare’s play Othello.

So clearly philandering is nothing new, and neither is the hurt. Even when people are jealous and possessive, their spouses still find ways to step out on them. At times it’s a Catch 22 situation, as that very possessive nature and jealousy are what drive the woman to bruk out and open the portals of her passion to someone else. You know that it’s not passion I really wanted to say, but you get the feline picture.

“He was so damn jealous and possessive that he drove me to it, so I had to break free and have a fling.” Maybe that’s one reason, but there are others. Let’s take the case of this man who offered to put up his high school friend in his house until he could find a place of his own.

The man had terrible working hours, often being away from home for many hours, sometimes even days. During those times away, the house guest and the man’s wife were forced to spend a lot of time together. The wife never knew the man before, and even when they met, she had no feelings at all for him. Ironically, she was not in favour of the arrangement from the beginning.

But you know what they say, “You put cream at puss mouth him going to lick it.” Time apart combined with constant association with someone else is often an incentive for sex. If you doubt me, just leave your woman in the care of a good friend while you go away for a while and see what happens.

“Leroy, I’m travelling for three months, I want you to stay at my house and take care of my wife for me, she’s scared to be alone.”

Would you take that risk, even if you know that your wife loves you? Absence makes the heart go fonder, but often fonder for someone else. This even occurs with women who get too close to students they are teaching or mentoring. That constant closeness can be a problem.

Other sexual shenanigans occur when women marry men who are much older than them. I have seen this first hand from I was a young lad learning the ways of the world. It’s the same old story: older man marries a much younger woman and can’t handle the work. The younger woman eventually hooks up with a man much closer to her age. As Kenny Rogers sang, ‘Oh Ruby, don’t take your love to town.’

It’s a tale as old as the hills and the valleys between, and yet those older men still won’t learn that apart from trying to hold the woman with material trappings, what they really need is a young man’s penis.

Sometimes neglect and indifference lead to sexual shenanigans. Women crave attention, they love it, they need it, they thrive on it. That’s why they spend so much time and money on beauty products. They want to be noticed, to be attractive, to hear people say nice things about them.

So when her man ignores her, stops telling her that she looks great, that her hair is lovely, that she smells divine, then expect a backlash. For every action, or lack of it, there is an opposite and equal reaction, usually giveaway sex.

Along comes Joe, slow walking Joe, slow talking Joe, who whispers sweet nothings in her ears, knowing exactly what to say in her moment of neglect. “You are so beautiful, I love your hair, you’re so sexy, if I was your man we’d make love every night.” Such words, such lyrics, such sweet talk that she hasn’t heard from her husband in years.

She’s noticed, she’s appreciated and feels desired again. It wasn’t planned, but she succumbed. In law and police proceedings it’s called means, motive, and opportunity. The motive is her wanting to hear more sweet words and be wanted again, and the opportunity presents itself when the other man presents his means.

What is true though, is that this COVID-19 crisis has put a disincentive on sexual shenanigans as it’s not so easy to run around anymore because the risks are great and the consequences dire.

I have mentioned the women and what sexual incentives they need. There are many and often complex. Some women even step out on their man because he’s too good to her. “I had to bruk out even once to ease the boredom of his goodness.” Another is revenge. “I gave him bun because he’s abusive.”

But what incentive do men need? I mentioned the legal jargon of means, motive, and opportunity. Well, it seems that all that many men need is the opportunity, as they have the means in their hands. At least that’s what the women say, and some men secretly admit to it. What do you say?

More time. seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: When things go wrong I’ll cuss about it, but I also give praise when it’s due. Recently my landline phone developed a terrible crackling noise that made it impossible to hear anything. I called Flow which directed me to its Whatsapp service where I put in my complaint. Much to my surprise and pleasure, the very next day a technician came to my house and rectified the problem. Being an equal opportunity consumer, I have Digiplay cable TV service, and I must say in all the years of service, I have never had a serious problem. We must give the devil his due, they say.