HELP! MY HUBBY-TO-BE IS TOO HANDS-OFF!

Dear Shikima: I read your article last week about mothers and weddings; however, my problem is not my mom, it’s the groom! He’s so uninvolved and doesn’t seem interested in anything to do with the wedding — well, except the bar and wanting his friend to be our DJ. The other thing is, whenever I get upset about his lack of help, it turns into an argument. Any suggestions on how I can get my hubby-to-be more involved? Michelle

Dear Michelle:

You’re not the first bride to go through this, and I’m certain you won’t be the last! When it comes to your wedding, the most important thing is that it is a reflection of you and your hubby-to-be! It, therefore, makes sense that you both should be involved in the planning process. Naturally, there is no better feeling for a bride than seeing her groom participating in making their wedding dreams a reality.

We all know that most wedding elements out there are geared towards the bride and it is expected for you, as the bride, to take the lead. But it can easily become frustrating when the groom leaves all the decisions to you.

I’m sure this is a typical retort by you: “You don’t care? What do you mean, you don’t care?”

All you want is a yes or no, just a little hint of his opinion that may give you something to go off in order to make a particular wedding decision!

It’s not that he doesn’t care; honestly, he may just want you to interpret it this way: “As long as it makes you, my bride, happy — choose whatever you like.”

Fighting with your fiancé over wedding planning is not going to feel good, no matter what.

Most of the time, a bride will take the lead when it comes to wedding planning, here are some tips on how to make your groom a part of the process based on his personality. Focus on his natural strengths and what he enjoys doing.

• The Foodie: Let him plan the reception food and drink menus; he’ll enjoy the food tastings too.

• The Financial Master: Let him manage the budget and payments

• The Problem Solver: Allow him the challenge of handling any logistics required or even to coordinate the seating assignments.

• The Creative: Have him design the wedding website or invitations.

• The Handyman: Ask him to build or make something for the wedding that you can also keep as a special memory when you start your new life together.

• The Adventure Lover: Ask him to plan the honeymoon.

Weddings can turn even the calmest bride into a bridezilla, but every conversation doesn’t have to turn into an argument.

These are some tips to keep in mind:

1. Recognise that men are nervous about putting their ideas across, especially if they feel you are going to shoot them down anyway. When your partner does come up with an idea, give it some serious thought and talk it out together. He’s not going to bother giving suggestions if you’re going to reject them all. 2. Don’t nag, don’t nag! It’s easy to let the wedding rule your thoughts, conversations, and even entire relationship. You’ve probably been planning this day for years, while he hasn’t put much thought into it except wanting you to be his wife. 3. Give your groom a task or two he actually cares about to manage for the big day.

4. Be respectful of your partner. Listen, show you understand, and share your point of view in a way that doesn’t offend or attack him.

5. Share the load. It may be that one person wants to take the lead, but you still need to check in and make sure you’re both feeling as though you can handle what you’ve taken on. A lot of wedding stress comes from one person feeling like the other isn’t pulling their weight.

Planning a wedding can amplify differences in how you both approach tasks, which can lead to disagreements but can also teach you how to tackle problems together in the future.

No one knows your man better than you do! When navigating through the wedding planning process, remember to be realistic with his true personality, who he is, and what type of things you know he will be good at, or want to help with. Keep in mind that no matter what, he loves you and at the end of the day wants to marry you!

You’ve asked and we’ve answered! Welcome to your weekly column ‘Planning Your Happily Ever After’ with wedding consultant Shikima Hinds, who will each week spotlight all the questions you’ve been asking.