#Couplegoals:
It’s time to talk about money
Women are increasingly finding their rightful place in today’s post-leave It To Beaver world and asserting their financial independence by, among other things, learning the language of financial well-being. They are increasingly securing their future with the understanding of the importance of generational wealth and the steps needed to obtain it, ie, keeping debt at bay by living well within their means and keeping a tight rein on credit card use, budgeting, and taking savings and investment seriously.
Let us say you are one of these women, and, for the first time, things are going well, moneywise. You’ve paid down your credit card debt and have taken your emergency saving fund in hand. You’re even on track with your medium- and long-term saving goals and are on track to buying a home. You might even have started to diversify your investment portfolio and can see a nice retirement nest egg when the time comes.
Then, as is so often the case now that professional women are opting to forego romantic “entanglement”, you meet a man who could potentially be The One.
Choosing the wrong partner to settle down with has the ability to completely unravel your #moneygoals. Studies repeatedly determine that one of the top reasons for the dissolution of marriages is money; how it’s spent and how it’s dealt with. While Cupid’s bow could perhaps be quivering, there are some moneyrelated matters you should consider before making a mad sprint to the aisle.
Let us not romanticise relationships; marriage is a lifelong “partnership.” You are running the business of life together.
Speak to him about his money outlook while you’re dating
Nobody expects you to have the hard conversations from your first date! But, a picture can start to form in those early days. I do understand and accept the role of man as the “head of the household” but a wise man does not underestimate the value of his partner. Ask yourself, is he offended if you pay sometimes? Does he discuss his financial goals with you? Does he ask you for business advice? Does he always have the last say on money matters including your money? This could be indicative of someone who not only feels the need to dominate in even the smallest of issues and brush aside your independence, but could also potentially point to someone who does not see you as an equal partner in life, and in money matters.
Do you and your partner have the same money goals? If you are conservative in your outlook, but your Significant Other has a live-and-let-live type of philosophy that tomorrow will take care of itself, regardless of how enviable, say, your sex life is, there’s danger ahead because your financial goals are incompatible. It’s never too early to take the temperature on his financial habits.
Now that it’s getting hot in here
As things become more serious, you might want to look at whether he flashes about cash to impress you and others around. Why does he feel that flashing cash is necessary? Does he write cheques you know he can’t possibly cash? Is he taking lavish trips and leaving bills unpaid? Remember, this becomes even more complicated if children are involved.
As you begin to make decisions about whether there’s an actual future with this individual, it’s time to flat-out broach money conversations. How was he raised to view money? Is he a scrooge and in constant fear of not having enough? (Which is the other end of the spectrum). Does he belittle you for, say, making a budget? An emergency savings fund? Does he save at all? Is he mired in debt that you would be inheriting should you tie the knot?
This is no time to be coy, worried that he will think you materialistic. This is simple pragmatism; it’s about determining your financial values. These conversations can be uncomfortable, but if the relationship is heading towards marriage, they must be had. And there’s this big one: Will you merge your money when you merge your lives?
A study done in 2015 in the United States showed that a shocking four in 10 married couples surveyed had no idea how much money their spouses earned. And a 2019 Suntrust survey revealed 49 per cent of couples discussed finances before they got married.
Money is the basis of how we make our way in the world today. It’s the primary touch point in a couple’s life. Before you make the trip up the aisle, come clean about your financial situation in the same way you want him to come clean with his. You’re not perfect, and neither is he. Sometimes you might splurge, buy a pair of shoes you absolutely do not need, eg. Yes, I’m side-eyeing you. But, the important thing is to get back on a disciplined savings track as soon as possible. Extend to him that same grace for his occasional slip-up. Share your financial goals and work out a savings habit that is uniquely compatible with you as a couple. Avoid the pitfalls later of misery, tension and arguments stemming from money and your reluctance to discuss it.
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British actress Jodie Turner-smith is the cover star for Porter magazine — Neta-porter’s in-house publication. The Queen & Slim actress, who has Jamaican heritage, is also the subject of the magazine’s cover story. Turner-smith spent her second wedding anniversary talking to Content Director Alice Casely-hayford via Zoom, about motherhood, how in love she is with her husband, and a string of major roles she has coming up.
CREDITS
Jodie Turner-smith for Porter magazine
Photographer: Daria Kobayashi Ritch
Art Director: Phil Buckingham
Fashion Editor/stylist: Natasha Royt
Hairstylist: Kim Kimble Make-up Artist: Allan Avendaño
Manicurist: Thuy Nguyen Actor: Jodie Turner-smith