Single, wife, strife

The world is not for aye,

Nor ’tis not strange

That even our loves

Should with our fortunes change. — Shakespeare, Hamlet, III, 2

That even our loves should with our fortunes change. Our loves and fortunes always change, unless you stuck with the first partner that you met, as do some rare people who marry their childhood sweethearts. For the rest of us, we change partners as we go through life, with exes becoming a part of our romantic history.

Life is always changing, as we transition through the years, changing our loves and indeed our fortunes. In many cases, both are inextricably intertwined, as our loves change because of our changing fortunes, and our fortunes change because of our changing love.

No woman wants any bruk pocket man, and conversely, if our fortunes change for the better, then our loves will also change, as women are programmed to be attracted to men with good fortunes.

This may come in the way of financial wealth or power, but as sure as night follows day, beautiful women are attracted to men with good fortune. Win the lottery and then see how many women suddenly find you attractive. Then, after a while proclaim that you’re flat broke and see how quickly they jump ship.

With this change comes a change in status, and many of us transition from being single, then taking a wife, then having strife. Oops, did I say strife? The fact is, the phrase for wife in the London Cockney slang is ‘Trouble and Strife’, so I’m not using it in a pejorative context, nor is it originally mine.

It’s a term of endearment, I suppose, as they refer to their better half. So single, wife, trouble and strife it shall be today, right after these responses to ‘Living without sex’.

hi Tony,

I strongly believe that man cannot live without sex, as I believe that some women can. However, this all reminds me of the Marvin Gaye song, Sexual Healing.

‘Get up, get up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up ooh baby, Now let’s get down tonight.

Baby, I’m hot just like an oven, I need some lovin’, and baby, I can’t hold it much longer, It’s getting stronger and stronger, and when I get that feeling, I want sexual healing, sexual healing. Oh baby, makes me feel so fine, helps to relieve my mind, sexual healing baby, is good for me.’

Ricardo

hey Tony,

You are absolutely right, living without sex is not living at all, and all those hypocrites and prudes are exactly that, hypocrites and prudes for not admitting that sex is God’s gift to mankind. Well, it can be a curse too. They are pious by day, but at night they prowl, and they seem innocent in their faces but their thoughts are lecherous. Living without sex is unnatural, but unfortunately some people have no choice.

Carmen

There are three stages of man, I mean mankind, not just males. The first is being single, then the wife enters the picture and based on what I’ve researched, the strife enters the fray.

Being single though, means different things to men and women. When a man is single he has not a care in the world, and can come and go as he pleases, do what he wants, deal with any woman that he desires and ‘is his own ma’. It’s a state of being that many single men enjoy.

For a woman though, being single is very different. Sure, she’s independent and can do whatever she wants, but most single women do not relish that permanent state at all. Women need to belong to somebody, as it validates their existence, makes them whole. Now, I’m sure that some ladies may take umbrage with that statement, but it’s the truth. It’s the goal of most women to have a relationship and get married.

As soon as a woman starts to deal with a man, she refers to him as ‘my man’. This may seem premature in many cases. “Imagine, I just started to date this woman for two weeks now, and suddenly I’m her man.” Men don’t do that, but tend to take it a bit more slowly.

The single woman then starts to mark her territory, making sure that they share things, leaving items at his house, or asking him to leave things at her house.

“Just leave some shirts and pants here so that you can change when you’re ready.”

Pretty soon she’ll give him his own key, which is really the key to her heart. That’s something that single men do not do. A single man’s key is his prized possession.

“Give her my house key, that means that she can shub key in my door anytime she want? No sah.”

The single woman though, readily gives up her key, for by doing so the man will keep on coming back and put down roots. What an irony, single men cling to that state, while single women can’t stand to be that way. A bachelor is not viewed in the same way as a spinster. In fact, the term ‘confirmed bachelor’ is often spoken of with pride, whereas the term spinster is spoken of with some degree of pity, often preceded by the word poor.

Which brings me to the second stage — the wife. From the man’s point of view, choosing a wife is a serious thing, perhaps the most serious thing that he’ll ever do, ranking perhaps with buying a new car or choosing the right type of big screen television.

Anyway, women have to be ‘wife material’ or the man is not going to make a permanent move in her direction. Now, what is wife material? Well, it’s a man thing, although some mothers also have a knack of picking them out.

Like it or not, women can be categorised as girlfriend material, mistress material, or wife material. I guess you could say the same for men, as some are boyfriend material while others are husband material. But the irony is, after a while, most women see all men as husband material. It’s a biological clock thing.

Girlfriend material is the good time girl, the girl who you party with, have tons of sex with in the most adventurous ways, but would never ever marry. The mistress type is the woman who is always the side chick. She’s the woman who’s always involved with another woman’s man, even if he’s married, and somehow, married men know this and always seek them out.

Or is it that these women seek out other women’s men? Whichever came first, the chicken or the egg, it’s foul. Some women are always relegated to the role of mistress. Always a mistress, never a bride.

So now we come to the wife. From the man’s perspective, she has to fit all the criteria of what a wife should be. Decent, not having too much of a sexual history, ambitious, a home body who will bear his children and who won’t cheat on him. Let’s emphasise sexual history which is of utmost importance, for no man wants to drive a car that had too many drivers before him.

“No sah, too much man guh dey already, me nuh want dat.”

As far as the cheating goes, there is no guarantee, but the man has to rely on his instincts. An experienced man, a former player, will have an idea of what type of woman will cheat.

“Yu see all she, as yu look pon har yu know sey she will give yu bun.”

“Some a dem born fi give bun, dem just can’t help it.”

That’s why men rarely marry their sidechicks, for in his mind, “If she can cheat on her man, she can cheat on me too.” Or, “If she can cheat with me knowing I’m involved already, she can cheat with anybody.” It’s often a dilemma for marrying a virgin is no guarantee either, for some have been known to cheat purely for exploratory reasons.

“I wanted to know what another penis felt like.”

Then the third stage — the strife. Remember the cockney slang for wife is ‘Trouble and strife.’ What is strife? Well, strife means bitter conflict, discord or antagonism, quarrel, struggle or clash, competition or rivalry.

Wow, so many descriptive words for a wife? Why did the British cockney describe their better halves as such? Anyway, for many men that’s their harsh reality as they leave the single life, take unto themselves a wife, and end up in strife.

But it doesn’t have to be so. There are many good wives who do not inflict strife on their men, in the same way that there are many good men who treat their wives well. Sometimes it’s just the luck of the draw as some people draw bad card. Whatever it is, try to enjoy all the stages, that of being single, choose the right wife, and you won’t have any strife.

If you and your wife can make each other laugh, then the strife will be minimal. My wife laughs a lot as do I, and laughter really is the best medicine. More time. seido1yard@gmail.com

Tony

Footnote: Speaking of being single and wives, I often see these news reports of young, single mothers who have multiple children. Girls as young as 12 having babies, and some a few years older have multiple children. It’s not uncommon to see girls as young as 20 having three or four children. It’s painful to see this as the children are the innocent ones who suffer so. Organisations like Woman Inc are doing their best to assist these young women, but when are these young girls going to accept responsibility? Having one child is excusable, mistakes do happen, but having three, four, five or six is not.