Lessons from mom

WHAT did your mom teach you about relationships that you value today? Was it that old advice about always having ‘get vex’ money? What about never going to bed angry at your spouse? Or was it that love trumps all, and once there is love and respect, you can surmount any challenge?

In celebrating Mother’s Day yesterday, many people would have honoured their moms in the way best befitting their queens — whether through actions showing their appreciation, words of affirmation, cards, worship... just about any way to show how much they care. Because they understand just how valuable a mother’s presence is, and just how invaluable her advice, and if no one else in the world has your back, your mom will.

Below, as we close the curtains on celebrating our mothers, a few people share the invaluable relationship lessons they have heeded from mom.

Mailene, 33:

My mother told me that the secret to having a good and lasting marriage is to have a little space for yourself in the house, that’s just for you. So when my dad started giving her a hard time, she would retreat to her sewing room to make something. Having a productive escape plan is important. I valued that advice, and both myself and my partner have our own spaces in the house that we can go to when things get rocky.

Andreen, 37:

Mom is a Christian, but she had some unorthodox advice for me — she said that I should ensure that I dated for at least two years before making a big step like marriage, as people change. She said after six months everyone’s true colours usually reveal themselves, because people can’t keep their true selves hidden for long. She was also a staunch believer in living together before marriage. And so I did exactly as she suggested, and I am in my 12th year of marriage now.

Shaneil, 40:

I was very much into romance novels and movies like all girls my age were as teenagers, but my mom had some solid advice: “Remember that you’re not in a movie, this is real life, and there are no superstars, just lots of villians.” She made it clear that my expectations for and of Mr Right shouldn’t be skewed by what I’d read and watched, and because I listened to her, I wasn’t caught in the whole web of expecting my husband to act like he was in a Harlequin romance book.

Ruth, 32:

She told me to have a separate account for myself — I could have a joint account with my husband, but I should also have funds for myself, to spend as I pleased.

Terri, 40:

Don’t be with, or marry someone, if you can’t imagine your children being like him. I escaped a lot of heartache with pretty but mean boys because I always remembered this bit of advice. Sure they were good to look at, but what if I had a child with that same attitude?

Sandy, 48:

Don’t dig up old fights or old issues when you have a new issue fighting about. When you have a disagreement, stick to the issue at hand. It’s unfair to the other person to bring up things that happened in the past, to boost your argument. found this to be very useful in disagreements in other aspects of my life, too, and I find that we’re better able to deal with the issues at hand if past issues are not brought to the fore.