DON’T TELL THE BRIDE — What Really Happens Behind The Scenes?!
Life as a wedding planner is often beautiful and exciting but can at other times be hectic and quite stressful. The hours are long and tedious, but once you see the look of love between a bride and her bridegroom there’s nothing else like it.
Today, I will be divulging things your wedding planner may face or does that you don’t know about as he/she tackles your special day.
Troubleshooting
You’ve asked and we’ve answered! Welcome to your weekly column ‘Planning Your Happily Ever After’ with wedding consultant Shikima Hinds.
There are many good reasons you don’t want to plan your wedding without a professional in charge. Naturally, you expect your planner to help with the design, décor, vendors... you know, planning the wedding. But what about all of the things you haven’t even thought about? No matter how detailed plans are, Murphy’s Law is sure to kick in at some point on the wedding day — sometimes it’s little and sometimes it’s big. The best wedding planners will take care of things without you even knowing about them. The key to the job is problem-solving and making sure everyone has a really good time. Ultimate goal: Fix any issues behind-the-scenes whilst preventing anyone finding out, particularly the couple getting married.
Reality bites — Troubleshooting & Guest Requests
For me, as a planner, the actual wedding day runs for around 18 hours. The key is to make sure your clients are on the right timeline for the day and keep track of all the details for them. In essence, that means my team and I need to maintain a strong, take-charge attitude as the go-to persons who organise the bridal party, wedding set-up, guest experience, clean-up, and everything in between on the wedding day.
1. Manage Mother Nature
Of course everyone wants sunny skies and calm breezes on the wedding day, right?!
Heavy rains and high winds may not be on the original plan for the wedding, but these hurdles can make or break your big day. Imagine the wind picks up, and the carefully aligned table cards start to dance away. Who is going to ensure everything doesn’t get soaked when it rains, or manage vendors when nature throws you a curve ball? Your wedding planner, that’s who!
2. Deal with vendor surprises
There are many exceptional vendors out there, but one size does not fit all. A good planner will understand the vision, intention, and overall vibe of the couple. While dealing with the couple getting ready or with a multi-location wedding, how do I know the site will be set up without a hitch? The plan usually is that my assistant (or assistants as the case may be) is using my carefully detailed itinerary, drawings, and floor plans to make the site look as close to perfection as possible for the arrival of the bride and groom.
On the day of the wedding, I will always be in attendance from early morning until the end of the celebration. Itineraries aren’t the only thing that can throw off a wedding day and its wedding vendors; sometimes things get lost, damaged, misplaced, don’t fit or look as intended and someone has to make decisions on how to get past the unexpected.
While building a relationship with the wedding couple, the wedding planner will get to know some information about the type of guests invited to the wedding. Things like their likes/dislikes, concerns, and expectations, but guests are much more unpredictable than you can even image. Here are some typical guest requests we’ve handled behind the scenes:
• “Excuse me, there aren’t enough seats at our table.” —
Yes there are. Did you RSVP with the correct information? Oh, we weren’t prepared for you to bring a date — so no problem; we grab a chair, flatware, glassware, shift other place settings, and alert the catering team to the extra person. Problem fixed.
• “Do you have ________?” That blank represents everything from pins, phone chargers, hair pins and ties, men’s dress socks, tape, wine, wipes, pain relievers, mosquito repellant, to anything currently available at the nearest pharmacy.
• “Can you let the kitchen know I can’t eat this?” Of course, you are in a new dietary restriction, so it wasn’t included when you sent off your RSVP and menu choice. Yes, we can just simply alert the catering team and send someone racing to prepare something for the plate. Or perhaps your original plus-one guest could no longer attend but you switched them out for someone else with different dietary needs.
• I’ve encountered guests showing up in wheelchairs. Did anyone think that this would be a good idea to let me know? We are at a venue with no accommodations for wheelchairs. No problem!
• The flower girl’s mother went to get seated for the ceremony, but the flower girl runs off in the opposite direction. Job: Catch the 2 1/2-year-old flower girl and bring her back to the line-up and get the ceremony started. It’s finally showtime!
4. Keeping an eye on the clock
Everyone wants the day to feel smooth, stress-free, and effortless. Starting the day off with a well-planned timeline is certainly key. What time should hair and make-up start? How long does a four-course plated dinner take? How much time is needed to round up the family for photos? My team is working with my carefully detailed itinerary but then the bride throws in a surprise for her bridesmaids — to get nails done, on the day of the wedding (not on the itinerary!) and oh, yes, her mother is out to pick up her bestie to join her for breakfast.
Not on the itinerary. How about a vendor advising you they will be late for the set-up but in time for the event start time? “We’re in traffic, but don’t worry!” Sure, I’ll just rework the timeline to extend cocktail hour, and get the other vendors on board with the new plan. However, an hour later, they call to say traffic broke loose and now they’ll be there earlier than they previously thought, and we can go back to the original timeline — alert all other vendors we are back to Plan A. No harm, no foul!
Just before going to dinner, the bride decides to change her shoes. This was planned for after the first dance — so I run off to get her flats and take the opportunity to convince her to use the bathroom and bustle her dress. Got to do what the bride wants; it’s only a 15-minute gap — later, we’re back to the original event flow.
5. Know that you wear many hats
One thing I’ve learned during the many years I’ve done this is that planners often have to also play the role of a counselor. It’s normal for even the most relaxed person to get overwhelmed with emotion during the wedding process, not just the couple, but also unexpected, rare emotions show up with family members along the way.
Often, parents are hosting and/ or paying for the wedding and may want to get very involved, and so disagreements typically arise. You have to be the mediator with the parents or persons trying to take charge. Divorced parents, bridesmaids being difficult, heavy drinkers are some of the situations that make you become a mediator to gently steer things in a direction that will allow a fruitful compromise while standing up for the bride and groom, since it is their day.
Most planners have given dozens of last-minute pep talks to get clients in the right headspace.
These scenarios and resolutions are only a few examples of what your wedding planner will do for you. An investment in a wedding planner is an investment in your enjoyment throughout the process and on the wedding day.
A planner is the biggest advocate throughout the day for perfection, as they make sure every vendor arrives on time, that everyone is doing their jobs, and that the couple gets the wedding of their dreams!