Loving older Men

I have live’d long enough, My way of life is to fall into the sere,

The yellow leaf, and that which should accompany my age,

As honour, love, obedience, troops of friends,

I must not look to have.

— Shakespeare

SERE, dried and withered. There are so many quotes about older men, some flattering, many, if not most, disparaging. “There’s no fool like an old fool,” readily springs to mind. And many old fools there are too, especially when it comes to romance.

So many older men have been befuddled, bewildered, and beguiled by young, beautiful women. Heck, they don’t even have to be beautiful, just young, ready, willing, and able. Many older men have lost fortunes as they try to buy what they cannot attain with their long lost youth.

Despite all this though, there is still an attraction, an allure, a fixation that many young women have for older men. On the male side it’s called the Oedipus complex, whereby young men are attracted to much older women. The name derived from the Greek god Oedipus who fell in love with and married his mother.

On the female side it’s called the Electra complex, a term used to describe the female version of the Oedipus complex. It involves a young girl becoming subconsciously sexually attracted to her father and increasingly hostile towards her mother.

That’s not to say that all young women who are attracted to older men suffer from Electra complex. Some women just prefer older men, that’s all, and we’ll see why, right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Check mate’.

Hi Tony,

The queen is the only woman on the chessboard and the only piece that can move just about anywhere, even more than the king. It is checkmate when the king is cornered and has nowhere to go. All this is a little different in real life. The queen is pursued and checked out and movement is more restricted. In chess, one has to think about several moves ahead. The woman (queen) thinks about how she will capture the intended one, be courted, marry, have kids, and mould him to her will. The man (king) will not see that coming until it’s too late. Checkmate. Regis

Hey Teerob,

I think that the game is far different than it used to be. Very few of the young men in my employ are with women who earn less than them, and that is the new normal. It’s checkmate when the young men get a pretty woman who can lead financially. Beauty alone can’t catch these young men.

Pardy

Let’s face it, we all have our preferences when it comes to romance and choosing a partner. Some men love short, petite women, while others love women who are tall, robust, meaty, fluffy, and weigh considerably more than they do. There are men who love much younger women, while others go for the older, mature type. Some men even love ugly women, and I wonder if there’s a scientific term for that.

The same goes for women who have a variety of choices when it comes to men. One thing is certain, all women love men with money, and no woman loves a man who has none. Is there also a scientific term for that?

Then there is the certain type of woman who always loves men who are considerably older they are. I’m not talking about a few years older, such as five or 10, but as many as 20 or more years older.

We see them all the time, arm in arm, and often wonder if it’s a father and daughter situation or not. I have explored this in the past — the phenomenon of older men dating or marrying much younger women — but I have never gone down the yellow brick road of the woman’s perspective, why they love older men.

Putting the Electra complex aside, and women with Daddy issues, why would a young woman be attracted to and love a much older man, and what are the ramifications?

I discussed this with a few such women who were candid and expressive about their situation. Here’s what one told me. “It is the dichotomy of holding the handle or the blade. A woman enjoys the settled, mature, secure relationship that an older man offers, but must contend with him set in his ways, him not being open to understanding the nuances of her, and the different ways she wants to be loved. So, for a peaceful life, she settles — sometimes denying herself and her heart, she settles.”

That’s some pretty heavy stuff there and smacks of a woman who basically has resigned herself to her fate, as she has to deal with the much older man, so she settles.

But if so, why be attracted to the older man if it’s such a challenge dealing with him? Why love him, why be so devoted to him? It can’t be all bad. Yes, truth be told, older men are set in their ways — obdurate, unmoving — and come hell or high water, they’re not going to change.

Ironically, some women love this aspect of the older man, as they see it as a form of stability, predictability, certainty.

“I get no surprises from him and know exactly what to expect from him every day.”

Some may say that’s a bit boring, but many women prefer that to a life of uncertainty, unpredictability, and upheavals from a younger man.

Oh yes, younger men are still feeling their way through life, still trying to find themselves, still jumping from here to there trying to prove themselves and pandering to their egos.

The older man has long passed that phase and offers peace of mind, for, after all, what a young man is just taking up, the older man has put down long time ago. Been there, done that.

Older men are usually more financially secure, as they have already acquired the trappings of life, such as the house, car, and material things that contribute to contentment. No running up and down trying to buy things on hire purchase or having to find a place to rent.

In other words, when a young woman gets an older man, she gets a finished product, nothing to assemble, not a young man struggling to make ends meet, but the real deal.

Older men are also more mature and logical in their thought process, so that’s a big plus. But surely it can’t be all positive, hunky-dory, and perfect when it comes to loving the older man? There has to be a chink in the armour, a flaw in the diamond, a crack in the structure of this stability.

Well, yes and no, for sometimes what some people see as negative, the younger woman views as a positive. For example, a much older man will certainly not have the sexual prowess of a man in his 20s, yet for some women that is a blessing in disguise.

“A young man is always trying prove himself and bolster his sexual ego and will certainly wear me out.”

“Oh lord, I wish that he would stop now.”

“After 10 or 15 minutes max of lovemaking, I’m satisfied. Those young guys want to go for hours and hours, tired me out.”

If I had known that earlier in my wild oats days, I wouldn’t have wasted those extra 45 minutes each time, but stopped at 15. Ah bwoy. There is such a thing as diminishing returns.

It’s surprising how many women expressed that sentiment, which reminded me of what a woman told me once, “It’s not how long you make it, but how you make it long.”

“An older man knows how to take his time, pace himself, with no ego to spur him on.”

Sometimes older men get a bit insecure. “Too much man a look pon har.” The younger wife has quite a task trying to reassure and convince him not to be insecure.

But, believe it or not, there are some older men who haven’t hung up their saddles or put away their pistols and are still riding the prairie looking for fresh fillies to mount.

That can be a problem, for nothing is as satisfying to an older man as a new conquest, as it puts him back in the game. Fortunately, it doesn’t occur as often as with younger men, who are always on the hunt, like a pack of wolves.

“I started dating older men and I would fall in love with them. I think that they would teach me about life.” — Daphne Zuniga

“Love with old men is as the sun upon the snow, it dazzles more than it warms them.”

“I love older men.” — Cameron Diaz

“Keep calm and love older men.”

So many quotes about older men, they must be special. So all you older men out there, there’s hope, but make sure that the young woman who chooses you really loves you, for, remember, there is no fool like an old fool. More time. seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: We’ve always heard the terms “Wrong place at the wrong time” and “Right place at the right time”. Well, for the past few months we’ve been inundated with news about Beryllium and their problems with hold-ups and robberies. Well, just two Saturdays ago I was in Boulevard Shopping Centre getting a key cut. The locksmith had no card machine, so I had to use the automated teller machine there. The line was very long, and, irony of ironies, while in the line, who entered but a Beryllium security team, guns drawn, to service the machine. I never saw people clear out of a room so quickly. Well, I stood my ground after waiting so long. But it just goes to show, I’ve never been there before, and wham, the first time I went, Beryllium came to service the machine. What are the odds?