Pick, choose, refuse

THE choices that we make in life can really determine the outcome of our journey. This applies to almost all aspects of our existence, but is perhaps most important and profound when it comes to our choice of a partner. Choose the wrong partner and your corner will be dark, but choose the right one and your life will be fulfilled.

True, it has been said that people deserve the government and the partner that they get, so make sure that you choose wisely.

Last week I explored the dilemma that many men found themselves in, as they complained that they couldn’t find a decent woman to call wife.

“I cyan’t find nuh wife, the pickings slim,” is what they said, and their plight seemed to be of epic proportions, as the plea was as deafening as a thousand wails of a flock of geese.

But for every up, there is a down; for every north, there’s a south; for every yin, there’s a yang; and surely, for every negative, there’s a positive. At least that’s the common perception, and indeed the scientific fact that’s irrefutable.

Nevertheless, when it comes to the human condition, nothing is absolute, but everything is relative. After hearing the concerns of those men who cannot find a wife, I set out on a quest to see if that was really the case, or if there was actually a pool from which they could pick, choose or refuse.

Let’s see what I discovered, right after these responses to my take on ‘Self-esteem’.

Hi Tony,

I have seen so may interviews of famously rich and successful people who reveal that they were told by their teachers, coaches and influential persons in their lives that they would never realise their dreams. These people may have had low self-esteem when they were told that they would amount to be nobodies and decided that they would prove the naysayers wrong. These successful people were determined to be successful and with hard work and development of high self-esteem, reached their goals.

Alex

Teerob,

Call it ego, call it hubris, call it boasiness, self-esteem is the engine that drives us to achievement. Take it away and we are nothing, and as you pointed out, the meek shall not inherit anything, except perhaps pity and contempt.

Raymond

For all those men who say that they can’t find nuh woman to call wife, there is a counter that says, ‘There’s plenty of fish in the sea.’ You just have to know where to cast your net, for as sure as night follows day, there’s somebody out there for everybody, and as the old sayings go, ‘Every hoe have him stick a bush,’ and ‘Woman so plentiful you can pick, choose and refuse.’

So let’s examine what’s in the sea or bush, based on my vast experience, combined with the experience of others, plus surveys that have been conducted along with the utterances of people who I know.

Do you remember the song by Grub Cooper and Fab 5, Jamaican Woman?

‘Jamaican woman a sugar and salt

Some a dem a ginnal

And will make you bawl.’

It goes on to list the women from the various parishes across Jamaica and what attributes, personalities and characteris- tics they possess. It’s hilariously descriptive and addresses exactly the point about pick, choose and refuse. Mark you, it’s very colourfully descriptive towards Kingston women, who are described as being street smart and savvy, unlike some young girls from the rural parts who are naïve and gullible.

‘Kingston woman love everything.

Them love excitement

And love to swing.’

We all know that urban folks are more street smart than the rural counterparts, hence the saying, “Yu muss be come from country why dem fool yu up suh.” No offence to the rural folks, please.

It all depends on what you’re looking for in a woman though, for some men travel to deep rural Jamaica to find a fresh young girl, take her back to Kingston, only to see her corrupted by the urban influences. There’s no guarantee.

First, there’s the woman who’s beautiful and sexy looking as a glossy magazine centrefold, appealing as Aphrodite, and as alluring as Queen Nefertiti. She’s not only a joy to behold, but holds promises of nights of untold pleasure. She’s definitely someone who any man would want to make his wife. “Is she me want to married to.”

But be careful what you wish for, for you will certainly get it.

Is that really wise, to be beguiled, bewitched, besotted, blinded by beauty and promises of bountiful booty? After all, all that glitters is not gold, and many men have married such women, only to be bitterly disappointed.

“Man, she pretty like money and look sexy, but that’s about it, she’s just into herself and don’t even like sex all that much.”

Yes, the outward package may look appealing, but the contents are disappointing. This beggars the question: Is it better to have a beautiful, sexy looking woman who hates sex, or an ugly wife who has an insatiable sexual appetite?

Gentlemen, think really hard about that one, for your satisfaction or frustration may very well hinge on your decision. I’ll always remember this guy who was married to a very beautiful woman whom he nicknamed ‘Frosty’, for according to him, she’s pretty like ice cream, but just as cold. Would you pick, choose or refuse?

There are women who expect men to always shower them with stuff and basically think that it’s a man’s duty to constantly give them things. So what does she give him in return?

“Well, I have sex with him, what more does he expect?”

Sadly, that is the thought process of some women who say that if the man can’t deliver, she has no use for him and calls him names.

“I hate a mean man. If he can’t pay my rent, provide me with a car, set me up in an apartment, then what use is he to me?”

That’s an actual quote from a woman and one that echoes the collective chorus of many of her ilk. Pick, choose, refuse?

There are women who are advocates of the Internet and spend countless hours preening and promoting themselves over cyberspace. Could such a woman be a suitable wife? Here’s some advice from none other than a woman about choosing a woman like that.

“Avoid getting serious with any woman who puts pictures and videos displaying her body in a sexual way. This includes posting her backside, her cleavage, her thighs. This is a woman who has no self-respect whatsoever of her body, and she has no shame. Anything for validation. And there’s nothing more dangerous than a woman without shame. If she can expose her body for more likes and comments on social media, what do you think she’ll do for money? This is a woman strictly for fun, not for keeps.”

As I said, written by none other than a woman, and who should know better? So if fish come up from river bottom and tell you say crocodile down deh, believe him.

In contrast, there are women who are loyal, devoted, loving, desirable, caring, honest, sexual and faithful, all willing and able to be an excellent wife for a man. But where oh where is such a woman?

Many men have searched far and wide, over hill and dale, only to discover that such a woman is already married to his friend. As the old saying goes, ‘The good ones are already taken.’ That goes for men too, for it’s also been said that the good men are already taken.

So when the man finally meets such a woman, he’s disappointed to discover that she’s already married. Does that deter some men? Absolutely not, as they have no qualms about pursuing that woman, for she’s so ideal that he has to have her.

Some may succeed, while for others it’s an exercise in frustration and futility. The irony though, is that if he succeeds and gets her, she’ll no longer be the ideal wife, for she’s now tainted with the tincture of the trollop. Okay, maybe not a trollop, but she’s now a fallen woman, no longer suitable, for remember what they say, ‘The same knife that stick sheep stick goat.’ Yes, she could do the same thing to him, so that thought will always be in his subconscious.

“She was seeing me behind her husband back and left him for me, so that can ketch me too.”

So the quest continues by men who pick, choose and refuse. Their pursuit is perennial, their odyssey onerous, their quest quixotic, as they chase windmills across the landscape searching for the ideal woman.

Pick, choose and refuse, but mind yu pick until yu pick out, choose wrongly, or pick up tack.

More time. seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: How glorious and wonderful sport is, and especially the exploits of our young athletes who continue to display feats of prowess that make the rest of the world look on in awe. The recently concluded Boys’ and Girls’ Champs was a showcase of talent that shone like a beacon in the athletic arena. Children from as young as 10 or 11 years old, mere babies in sport, exhibited a maturity that belied their tender years. Watching them set their starting blocks and accurately measure their steps was a sight to behold. Congrats to them all and to the winners Kingston College (boys) who won for an unprecedented 35 times and to Edwin Allen (girls) who won for their 10th time.

The Carifta Games made us even more proud as we continued our dominance. It’s a pity that only subscribers to Sportsmax could see the incredible achievements of our athletes in Carifta, as there was no free to air broadcast. Not everyone has cable.

And therefore is love Said to be a child, Because in choice He is so oft beguiled. — Shakespeare

There is little choice In a barrel of rotten apples. — Shakespeare